Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Hedges & Weeds

Let me start off with a disclaimer of sorts: I am not judging. I am stating my opinions. I have been married, it was a Godless, loveless, hurtful, harmful, marriage. I call it my scrimmage marriage. Yes I loved him, but not in the way He should of been loved, nor was I loved like I should of been. God was not in our marriage no matter how hard I tried. The biblical passage stating " “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?” (2 Cor. 6:14, KJV). "

was us to a T

We did not have a foundation that was firm.....

We did not have common goals, or interest...

We were not compatible in any form or fashion..............

I am raised catholic, and even the Catholic Priest stated we were not to have been married (ie i was pardoned from the church and "allowed to be divorced")

I am no longer a part of the Catholic church but I do know that our marriage was not a Christian marriage, and was not a biblical one......... it was not one that GOD wanted to bless with children. IT was not one that blessed neither my self nor my ex.

now. that you know my past my sins my baggage ...........let me move forward............

Today a Friend posted this on Facebook:

"My husband and I have drawn those lines very clearly for our individual and mutual friends of both genders. Men, you do not have a friendship with me without being friends with my husband as well. Women, you do not have a friendship with my husband unless you're my friend too. You don't turn to my husband for your emotional problems, no matter what they are in regards to. You have other people in your life that it is appropriate for you to turn to. Same thing for men with me. We do not text, call, Facebook, tweet, or anything else with people of the opposite sex, and if for some reason we need to or someone reaches out to us, the other one is the FIRST to know it, not the last. We are NEVER in the same room alone with someone of the opposite sex for any reason. And most importantly, people of the opposite sex WILL be both of our friends, or they will not be either of our friends. Anyone of the opposite sex who wants a relationship with you and not your spouse is TROUBLE, no matter what you or anyone else thinks. I don't care who you are, how long you, me, or my husband have known each other or what the nature of the relationship was. Opposite sex relationships outside of your marriage have a very sneaky toxic potential. The right moment should never happen because there should be no allowance for such a moment. If u allow for those moments, you do not value your spouse or your marriage the way you should."

Now, This is something that is very near and dear to my heart! It is something that speaks to me with such might and such power, that I just knew I had to write a blog about this.

Marriage is a sacred gift from God. It is the union of two imperfect people........ who God sees fit for perfection together with His help! With out it, you are still two imperfect people, in an imperfect world with the devil at your door knocking. Tempting. Waiting for you to fall. Waiting for the crack in the door for him to be let in.

Now even with God in your marriage The devil is there. He is trying to harm you and fool you. The devil loves to make you look foolish and unworthy. He is deceptive, and mean, and harmful, rude, unruly, he can disguise him self in any form or fashion!

And in order to try to Keep him out. To keep him far away. To safe guard our marriages there are steps we can take!

Step one: Safe guard your marriage with fences! (or hedges as Jolene Engle says at her blog: The Alabaster Jar Find it here :Putting up hedges )

What I mean when i say this is come to a common ground where you and your spouse think you are safe. Give your self boundaries, Not showing that you do not trust each other because to be married you have to have full trust and faith in your spouse! But I mean boundaries to show to yourself, your spouse, and the world.... the respect you have for each other, your self and your marriage.

Boundaries to me are little things.....

My husband and I, along with the friend and her husband quoted up top, feel that To show respect you must not be alone with a person of the opposite sex. Not that we do not trust our selves, but that we do not want to be put in a situation where we could have our morals or our character compromised. Its not worth risking our integrity, our marriage, to have a friend of the opposite sex. Again the devil can be in disguise. Situations like this can be the devil testing you, your marriage, your strength, your commitment, testing to see if you will go against the will of God for your marriage.

Im not saying you cant have friends that are single or of the opposite sex.. BUT......... its best to be in a group setting when this is happening. safe guarding. That's the phrase that will be used the most here. Safe Guarding!

Now, lets keep talking about singles for a moment........ their goals in life are different than ours. We are married, our goals are to keep a nice home, a happy spouse, a great marriage and to keep God as the center of it all...............

For a single, their goals are to get where they want to go in life, to meet a mate, (or not to) To have kids (with or with out mates or no kids at all) a lot want to advance in their careers, or their educations, (yes some of us married do to) but what if you have a single friend that is envious of what you have? your spouse! What if the lines were crossed? then what? Would you regret not having boundaries?

As for my self. No man will be in my house with out say my family around, be it my mom my brother my sister my friends(girl friends) my HUSBAND. I will not risk feeling stuck. or feeling worried, I do not want to bring shame upon my house or my marriage.

Moving forward:

Couple friends, These are great for us! as the married people. We have more of a common ground. whats even better is if our couple friends are Christian like us! and have similar values!

Like lets take for instance a friend of mine....... She and I have known each other for umpteen years! Junior high, High school, her married me single, us both married, us both married with kids........ Shes like an adopted auntie to my Children. She is one of the few I have Felt 100% comfortable with and knowing she could provide for every need of my children one of the few that has watched them.. We had a conversation earlier about how important this is....... the having couple friends, that share the same values, morals, ethics how ever you want to say it. 1, its nice to get together as a group ( i have rarely had the opportunity to partake in her gatherings and that saddens me ) men and women fellow shipping over games movies, what ever, but at the same rate you have a built in bff in the wife of the other couple and your husband has a built in bff in the husband of the other couple. and if you share the same thoughts you know that if the man had a personal problem he would not cross the lines and come to you the wife (of the other couple) but to the husband, for man should rely on his brother, and the same as the wife. you would not want her to come to your husband but to you.......... or even the both of you for comfort or talking. This is a bonus of having couple friends! And......... for example..... Her husband brought me over some goodies one day sent by her, she was a lil tied up to be able to do it her self. now showing respect to her and my husband and our marriages, I stepped out side my house to welcome him, ( I ended up sitting on the porch in a chair while we talked for a moment ) while he stood at the sidewalk to the porch. we had the appropriate amount of space between us and we were technically not alone. trust me the whole world of Crockett could see us *giggles*

And one day while I was packing up to move I was a lil too tied up to go receive boxes from her for she was helping us get ready to move. So, my husband went over to get them, while he was in the garage retrieving them she was standing out side the garage. This has NOTHING to do with not trusting our selves or trusting the man, but respect for our marriages our husband and our friends. What is even more funny, is until today....neither of us Knew the other did this! its just a common courtesy! This made me giggle when we both told our stories about it! Great minds think alike!

Another Great thing about couple friends..... is having mentors!

Couples that have been together many years, though many of what might turn out to be the same kind of situations you might just be facing!

My husband and I are blessed to have friends like this. they have been together over 25 years we share a love for God, A love for our marriages, a love for our kids (even though we are in very different places but she has been in my shoes!) We both adore (my husband and I ) both members of the other couple, and again in sharing the same mutual respect, we too would not be alone with the others mate. My husband tends to linger around her husband and I tend to linger around her, while we are all chasing my kids haha. They are not just friends, but to us they are our mentors, they show us and teach us that all obstacles can be overcome with the help of God and our spouse!

But we have to also stop and look at the world from time to time. If you look at the movies and the tv series, you notice that women disrespect men constantly! and men disrespect woman constantly. I hate to admit it but we learn from those shows! There is a series by another blogger Courtney opposite world She has a whole series on opposite world. Its great!

Back to my thoughts...

In opposite world we are taught so many things, That disrespect is okay.

That marriages are fairy tales...................

That the big huge weddings are what make a marriage last........

or that going into debt for a new house new car new furniture and all that are what will help you start your marriage.

I mean Take My friend KDW Her and her spouse had a small and intimate wedding....... they will be together 10 years in Feb.

MKP has been married 25 years! theirs was a JP wedding......... and it has lasted 25 years!!!!!! Did i say 25 years?!?!?!?!?

Same with my mother, PLM and my father they had a JP wedding and were together 26 years before the passing of my father.

Keith and I had a small gathering of family and friends...... and have only been together 3 years....... married. But we are aspiring to make it to 25, 30, heck 75 if we lived that long!

But when you stop and look at Tv, you see the weddings of the Kardashian's And do you see their marriages lasting?? Did you see Princess Dianna and Price Charles last?

Kim And Kris lasted 72 days.....................

Kid rock and Pam 4 months...........

Brittney and Jason a whooping 2 days............ 55 hours.............

Even the stars......... Hollywood stars. don't realize it takes love, respect, courage, honor, and most importantly.. God!!!

My favorite Poem that I wanted at what I thought would be my big wedding................

Marriage Takes Three

Marriage takes three to be complete;

It’s not enough for two to meet.

They must be united in love

By love’s Creator, God above.

Then their love will be firm and strong;

Able to last when things go wrong,

Because they’ve felt God’s love and know

He’s always there, He’ll never go.

And they have both loved Him in kind

With all the heart and soul and mind

And in that love they’ve found the way

To love each other every day.

A marriage that follows God’s plan

Takes more than a woman and a man.

It needs a oneness that can be

Only from Christ-

Marriage takes three.

By: Beth Stuckwisch

And it does! It takes three! In our marriage it takes God, Keith and I to make it work!

Marriage is hard work, never ending hard work,!!

It takes a strong mind, a whole heart, Lots of diligence, Commitment, compassion, understanding, Talking, lots and lots and lots of good ol communication! If you don't have communication........ you will have lots of fails! and when you fail...... YOU get right back up and talk! and work it out! and make it happen! Marriage does not take 50/50 work! it takes 150 & 150 work and effort!

People brag............ they do it in blogs, they do it on instagram...... they do it on twitter..... and they for sho do it on facebook. Talking all the time about how wonderful how great maybe even how easy............ And I won't lie, I'm sure I am one of those people. But..... Marriage takes work.. Lots of work. You fight, you kiss you make up.. You cry, you fight some more. You constantly pray, you pray for your self, you pray for your spouse, you DEF pray for your marriage. You pray so much some times you do not even know if you have the strength to pray more, or if you even have anything else to pray about. Then, You come together to talk it out, work it out and continue to walk beside each other! Because the family that prays together......stays together!!!!

If someone ever told me they didn't fight with their spouse, I would have to ask if their spouse was imaginary! I mean two imperfect people..... can not....... be perfectly happy 100% of the time. Everything causes stresses! work, kids, money, finances, bills, chores, house, vehicles, yard .... you name it its a stress! But what you do not do......... is just walk away.

Nothing in life is easy........and if everything in life was.... I have to say life would be boring!!!!

One more thing I really want to touch on tonight is............

When I was reading one of those blogs again tonight, I realized, Even though I don't want you all happy happy happy all over facebook being fake... I also do not want to see you bad mouthing your spouse. Its disrespectful! To you , your marriage and to your spouse! And I don't mean you cant ask people for help or prayer when it comes to things that might bother you. But remember You are married to your best friend. You should always be able to talk to your spouse about anything and everything, there should never be a need for secrets! There should never be a need to want to just gripe and complain publicly.

We all need praise......... so if things are not where you want them, instead of just harping on all the wrong. maybe praise the right and look for the good instead of all the bad. make sure you see the light and not all darkness and night. Remove the weeds out of your garden of marriage! let no weeds grow or attack!

Think of God as your weed killer *hehe*

I am sure most of this will just go in one eye and out the other (haha get it? your reading and not listening so it could not be ears!!! Yes I think I am funny at times)

But take to heart, That respect is needed, Boundaries are a great way to safe guard......... life is not all roses, butterflies, fairies and unicorns! But, Every drop of hard work, every drip of sweat.... Will make your marriage grow and be more fruitful! I wish the best to anyone that reads this and I pray your marriage will be strong, united & God filled!!

Love and Blessings,


P.s I must add a thanks to JDB, KDW, MKP & PLM for thoughts, words and being inspirations!

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

the 30 list!


1. List 20 random facts about yourself.

I'm 31 and keep thinking I am 32. haha

I had 3 kids in 22 months

I have a weakness for popcorn

Since being "older" there are not many veggies or fruits I will not eat.

I was(am/always will be) a band geek!

I play the flute(do not insert jokes here >-< )

I did go to band camp one time. (again do not insert jokes here)

I have studied at 3 different colleges and still have hardly any credits.

I was born in HOUSTON

Raised In Crockett.

I am a fan of everything HOUSTON! (rockets, astros, Texans, Dynamo & Aeros)

I am on my 2nd marriage.

The first was even declared divorce worthy by a catholic priest! (that says something right there!)

MY husband is my soul mate.

we went to the same high school, even to the same prom, and ever really "met" and we were in a small school.

I have PCOS.

I was told I would never ever have kids not even though fertility treatments. by SEVERAL drs.

I have had "5" surgeries and 1 broken bone in 31 years of life.

I have a love of the arts, Paintings, sculptures, music, plays, musicals, be it in person or on tv.

Im a perfectionist at heart, who is so ocd, and ADD that nothing is ever right that I do.

2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

Acrophobia- Fear of heights, but really its heights plus bridges, that came from when i was a child and we got side swiped and all i remember is sitting in the back of the vehicle and being able to see the water....... not the side of the bridge not the road but water only. or so that's what my memory recalls plus, the added weight doesn't help me out at all with the fear. being heavier hurts more when you fall LOLOL.

Climacophobia- Fear of stairs, climbing, or of falling downstairs. I can walk em I can Climb em........ but..... i freak out in my head when thinking about falling well and if you add in an escalator it freaks me out thinking about getting stuck in them......

Kakorrhaphiophobia- Fear of failure or defeat. I fear all the time, that I am not good enough, not smart enough, not bright enough, Fear that what ever i touch or try to do I will fail at. I fear failing at being a good wife, at being a loving caring supportive proverbs 31 woman/wife. I fear at failing my kids at being the best mom they could have, I fear failing to be a good daughter. I fear failing to be a good Christian, A good friend. etc. Of course i have never been clinically proven to have these fears but when you really stop and think about what bothers you what you deep in your heart feel and fear you can get a list a mile long I am sure!

3. Describe your relationship with your parents.

I am very close with my mother. Shes my mom, my best friend, my kids grandmother, and a stand up amazing woman! My father God rest his soul, I miss more and more every day with every thing that the kids go though and do.

4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.

God comes first always!

Do what brings your heart joy!

Never let others take you for granted!

Stand up for what is right!

Stand up for your self!

Believe in your self and God ALWAYS!

Keep the faith in your self and in GOD NO matter what!

people come and people go, but its God who is always there for you no matter what!

Wait for God to show you the door to love. He has a plan you just wont understand!

Even though Family always comes first to you, Not all people think that way!

Walk away from being hurt & don't look back!

(yes there are 11) haha

5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?





and our new home!!!!!!!

6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

Leaving my twins, Gabe & Zeke, to go to the hospital for who knew how long....... days away........ while pregnant with Daniel........... but this almost ties with When Gabe and Zeke were born and shipped a state away.

7. What is your dream job, and why?

Well, My dream jobs, as a child were being a mother (and yes a SAHM was the dream) and having my MSN in nursing and being a nurse. ......... one down one to go. Nursing is a job that touches my heart, The VA nurses my dad had.......... and the NICU nurses my kids have....... its one of the most important jobs out there!

8. What are 5 passions you have?



life(any my husband and kids )


active life style!

9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.

Peggy Lou Orbke: my Grandmother A strong stubborn, amazing, woman!

Patricia Lynne Moore: My Mother, A woman who Molded me by showing me how strong, smart, beautiful, gifted, graceful, loving, kind, compassionate, determined and a great mother!

C.D.P. for showing me what I do and do not want in a husband, he was a wonderful brother who was strong and amazing in so many ways and had such great qualities that I looked up to when I was younger.

Mel: for showing me that all things are possible and you can make it though anything if you rely on God and put your all into it!!!
Lee Roy Vargas, For showing me what a great man is made of! for showing me how to work hard and learn new things at any age!
Sandra Dillard, For being an amazing teacher, friend and inspirational woman!

Gabriel and Ezekiel: for being super heroes, over coming so many obstacles that were put in their path since birth!
Daniel: for coming out big and strong and showing us what he is made of from a early age!

Sonia, She was one that I looked up to since I was born, Smart Beautiful, and over all awesome. when i as young she is who i wanted to be like and boy could you tell from small things like my messy bed room haha.

10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.

Most embarrassing one i remember was at state play offs for Football my Jr year. we were having to do our routine on the side lines due to bad weather and us not being allowed on the field when we were in the middle of our routine, we switched flags ( i was on the flag line) so we all drop our polls pick up our others and a team mate threw her poll in the wrong place, i stepped on it slipped and busted my butt ................ in front of what felt like 1000's of people.............

11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.



picking wedgies,

picking noses,

picking at your teeth,

sucking things out of your teeth,



not using thanks please, yes maam no maam yes sir no sir. (so manners in genreal)

leaving the toilet seat up!!!!!

12. Describe a typical day in your current life.


drink coffee

get kids up

feed em

pick up,

feed em again

pick up

feed em again

pick up



13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.

my kids

my husband,

my mother

arms hahahaha

chocolate cake teeeheehee.

14. Describe 5 strengths you have.

the things i am the strongest at are loving those who love me

helping those that i can

relying on GOD

physically my legs haha

and im not too shabby at writing poetry

15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?

Id want to be a penguin or a lobster (that reminds me of the show friends) cause Id want to know my husband was my mate for life no matter what.

16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?

3 of my greatest accomplishemnts are my kids Gabe Zeke and Daniel.

one i would like to say was losing the 100+lbs before the twins and i like love to say that #5 is repeating that....... so we will leave #5 blank for now =)

17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?

At believing in my self!!!!!!!

18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?

Not accepting me, my kids or my husband, and us not being put before others who do not matter. I know that sounds foolish, but again you know i believe in FAMILY first!

19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

Any where my husband is, that is where I want to be!!!

20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.

1.) On palm Sunday Getting a palm leaf, making it into a cross and walking home with my father from church.

2.) The Christmas that my parents came home with a blaizer full of wrapped gifts picking out one gift, then taking the rest and delivering them to children who were in need in our county!

3.) every holiday season baking breads cookies and candies with my mom!!!

21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?

I have a super power! I made twins! =) hehe other wise maybe i would like to be a human lie detector!!!!!

22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?

5 years maybe graduating college, kids in school and being an active part of the PTA!
10 years, lots and lots and lots of games for sports the kids are in ;)
15 years, i hope to be thinking about a way to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary together that would only be 2 years away from then.

23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.

cooking, sewing, baking, playing the flute, cant think of another great one right now. haha cause they are all so different and relaxing for me!

24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.

not too much differnet just all boys in the house now vs 1b 1g from when i was a kid, other wise values and morals are still instilled strong!

25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?

I would love a dinner with my grand parents and great grand parents, I would love to know more about who I am where I came from and where all that combined with me today would show where I am headed. and meals i would just want foods from the generations.

26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?

has most wrong? like one thing is worse than the other?

IMO, its a lot!

men are supposed to be the leaders in the house.

it was adam and eve not adam and steve...... no offense but the only want to know in the end other than we are supposed to live by the bible is when GOD calls us all home.

that abortion is ok and your not killing a baby your killing a lump of cells, its a baby! no matter what you want ot call it the moment the sperm meets the egg its a baby!

that money makes the world go round, what the world needs most is love and compassion. not money and worldly things!

27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?

my lips cause they are pouty and full

28. What is your love language?

Keith knows, thats all that matters LOL

29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?

that even though I am a "fixer" and a "people pleaser" that I do have a breaking point where my give a darn is broken and I no longer care. That I can only turn the other cheek so many times before I am worn out.

30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

being a GOD fearing woman,

being compassionate,

being loving,

being caring,

having a huge heart,

for raising Good boys who are morally sound, smart, and God fearing men.

For being my mother's daughter my Grandmothers grand daughter and my fathers daughter!!!

For having great work ethic!

For knowing how to take care of the home manage it and for being a great home maker and mother

For being a proverbs 31 wife and woman!

Finding Neverland

Let's begin with the moving day.............

I lucked into my Sister in love being able to watch the kids, G, E & D.

So that Morning, Keith And I woke up, got the kids up, and tried to start getting them ready when we received the call from Mom n Pops that they were just a 'lil ways away. So, as I'm trying to rush, here they come. Oh the looks of shock and awe on Gabe and Zeke's faces when they saw their Gigi was PRICELESS! Made me melt, made me want to cry. It had been about 2 months since they last saw her, which was funny because it really didn't feel that long in a way. They stopped in their places, smiled and then ran to her. Eager, ready and willing to be devoured in her hugs, kisses and all the love they could get. The bond and closeness that my children have with my mother is priceless to me! I could never ever ever ask for a better Grandmother to my children! I am blessed that she is my mom, but even more blessed that she is the grandmother to my children. It warms the cockles of my heart to see how much they love her!

So, on the road we go to get them dropped off to my Sister in love after we have the warming reunion. Then back to the house to start loading up as much as we could. OH the HORRORS of packing and loading.......... I was no way ready to really try to move. I did good with getting done what I could when it was just the kids and I at the house. All I can say now is HIRE MOVERS! and HIRE PACKERS, and HIRE THEM TO DO EVERY LITTLE THING THERE IS!

Oddly, it didn't really bother me when we were loading the house up, didn't bother me when we loaded the trailer, didn't bother me pulling away.......... I really thought it would. With all the emotions that were flooding my heart and mind the week before, I am still in shock and awe that I could leave with a happy heart. no fears, no dreading, no tears, no sadness. God provided me with a cool calm and collectiveness that I needed to get though these times.

So, after a few hours of doing the packing and loading....... off to pick up the kids and catch up to Keith and pops ........

Picking the kids up.....

well that was bitter sweet. Daniel was laying down with Chelsy.......... sleeping beauty didn't want to wake up for me to really say good bye........... But Daniel was wide awake and ready to go. The twins well they were worn out and tired. So loaded up car seats and loaded up babies. gave a hug to sister in love and we headed on our way. Surprised I didn't cry here either!

The Drive,......

was long...... haha. we stopped in Huntsville the BIG boys ate Golden corral but since they twins were practically nakie (from messiness at aunties house haha) and all their clothes were packed......... we got Churches and ate in the van with them.

When we arrived, we bought the kids up......... and OH MY WORD! They were so excited, they ran from end to end. checked out everything, THEY LOVE going up and down the stairs to the apartment. their faces were priceless! I would not of guessed they would of been so happy here until that very moment! God surely has blessed us with so many things in so many ways!

The unloading & unpacking,

Needless to say, I am actually still unpacking 18 days later. Its been a tornado in the house for a while now. Not bad per say but not totally livable by any means! Their bathroom was done almost instantly. Their bed room came together that night first night with the beds, and since has been decorated. as of two days ago their closet is just how I want it other than I need lots and lots more hangers for them.

As of yesterday The kitchen is just about how I want it. the living room is pretty good. Our bathroom is finito! for sure! our bedroom is a wreck! but It will be, and shall be worked on this week for sure.

My thoughts...

I love apartment living! So many said I wouldn't, I don't mind close by neighbors, I don't mind our area at all! I actually do not mind up stairs living, I know its only been 18 days, but I am in HOG heaven! We have our routines and we deal with them great! the kids are sleeping better here in their room together than they ever did at the casa de crockett. All three share their room, sleep through the night and sure don't mind it at all! they know we always eat at the table (already! haha) they are more open chatting more and more and are growing up even more since we have been here I swear!!

Daniel was crawling before we left our home in Crockett, Since, he has gotten so fast its not funny, sits up on his own and gets back down on his own, eats all our food and practically refuses baby foods. The new ECI ladies the twins have taken to like a charm! they each have their own lady and the come at the same time on the same day so that they both get to "play" with their worker!
the weekend we moved here, we went and shopped at grocery store and ate at cici's and they had a blast. The first weekend after moving here we went to the Mall and the kids played and played and played, then we went to a riverside park the following day and they played and played and played!
Their hearts seem so happy here!
The 2nd weekend, We went to the beach! and to a park! again. they are just eating this up!
I Knew It was time for us to leave................. I KNEW it had been coming for quite some time............... I love my CKTT friends and family, but the place is dead. It hasn't really grown, they wont let it grow in ways that would really benefit kids, etc, and haven't since I was a child! yes its nice quite country living where everyone knows everyone but they also gossip like crazy and get all up into every ones business like crazy too! I'm not knocking CKTT so don't y'all all go and get offended, its just a bitter sweet thing to me always has been. Its the place I was raised up, the place where drama ruled my life, it tore me down, and God had to build me back up. Its the place that So much hurt and pain has came and gone. And honestly its a place I hope God doesn't have in mind for us to live again. Visit ? YES Real soon. Stay for a bit........ sure........ but live life for ever............ raise my kids there...................... etc.............. Prayerfully not. I just Pray God of course Leads us always where he wants, and I always pray its where we will thrive and flourish......... but where we just came from was not that place for us. I know it is for some but it really couldn't do it for us.
If you have not..... I pray you seek it and find it with God's help and light.

The opportunities & possibilities ............

Are endless!!!!

This past weekend the 3rd after moving, we have gone to the beach/fished, then went back to the beach on Sunday, followed by a huge 5th annual thing here in the memorial park Tons of Christian bands(mostly rap and some a 'lil hard for my liking) but had booths pizza root beer floats and bouncy houses!

This up and coming weekend I'm sure if the weather permits we will be beach bound again! ;) No complaints here haha. and there is a fall festival going on where costumes are welcomed and we are SO READY!!!!!!!

The schools, the sports, the activities, for adults or children, the clubs (as in like things to do reading, biking, 4H, quilting, etc...) there is just SO MUCH STUFF!!

But, Where we are right now.............. Where we are planting new roots.......... this...... seems to be where We need to be, where my children need to be! Where my Husband IS PROUD of him self and I have never seen him as proud as he was just yesterday! That is what makes my heart happy.

You dream and you dream of finding a place where you thrive flourish and love. Some where you don't have to run away from. SOME where that you could technically get lost in............ You dream a lil dream........... make a lil wish............... You know that "some where...........................over the rain birds fly............................ " and you dream about seeing that place....... about ..............

Finding that place..............................

While I feel we have Grown up a lot in just moving and getting out of where we were.............

I believe.................

we have found our Grown up .............


Keith might just be peter pan...............And I might just be Wendy..................and the 3 monkeys maybe just maybe are the lost boys.................... But, We have our tree house up in the sky on never never land............. (never never to me must be always hehe)

and I leave you with this..................

Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope. Psalm 16:9

Have you found your never land? The place where your heart is glad? you rejoice ? where you can rest in hope?

Blessings and love,

In HIS Grace,


Thursday, October 17, 2013

Sticks and stones

Sitting here today, Thinking about when we are little we are taught the lil saying....

Sticks and stones will break my bones,

but words will never hurt me.

And I realize, I will NOT be teaching that to my kids.

Words do hurt, they hurt in a way that can really leave a scar. It might be a scar on the inside but its a scar none the less!

Looking back to child hood, I was fearless!!

Nothing bothered me NOTHING scared me and NOTHING would ever bring me down!!!

But now, I stop and I realize, There are people on my friends list that I know I should delete. All they do is bring me down. But, IF I deleted them..... I know I would get messages and responses of Why are we not friends any more? Whats wrong? What did I do?

And the thing is, Im too polite to tell people still to this day that they have hurt me. That they have gone behind my back. That the KNIFE in my Back hurts so bad that all I want to do is cry. Why do I not tell them? Cause for one, They are a fake friend. They say they are on your side, They say they are there for you, they say blah blah blah(cause you know when you have one of those friends that is about all you hear after turning the cheek so many times) But it gets tiring, To always be the one to be hurt. To always be there for them though, text, email, facebook, phone calls, but to always be walked on like you are dirt beneath their feet. Heck Today I feel like even Carpet, tile, linoleum, and concrete are above me.

Why do I let things like this bother me? and get me down. And why do I hold it in is what I am always asking myself?

Well today its in a blog. I am letting my feelings out. I might get a PM or two about who are you talking about and what did I do. and again I will as usual respond with Its not you and never mind.

Looking back over the years, I have had a Friend, lets call him Jackson, Who married a lady named Melanie, and they have kids, the oldest is Rebecca. Well, for many many years I was always there for Jackson and Melanie, Loved them to death, I would even consider them family, Just like a brother and sister to me. So when Rebecca came (shes the oldest) of course I would of considered her a niece, Well, From that moment on, it was like I wasn't who they use to care for. I wasn't good enough to watch Rebecca , Or what I got Rebecca as Presents wasnt Good enough. Nothing I could ever do was ever pleasing to Jackson and Melanie. So I felt like I was a piece of dirt. Now their friends Lisa and the aunt Fiona well they could never do any wrong. Never. Lisa, aka Lili, well even though she was just a friend oh she could take Rebecca any where and do anything. and was always the right person for the job. Now my self. again. nothing ever was right or good enough.

Now coming to the more present day. Its the same thing in a different manner, with different people who I continue to try with and continue to be friends "family" what ever with, and I , always feel hurt in the end.

So, even though I am hurt and want to cry, I come back to a famous Dr Seuss quote: Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

2 Corinthians 5:17-21
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Romans 6:18
You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.

1 John 5:18
We know that anyone born of God does not continue to sin; the one who was born of God keeps him safe, and the evil one cannot harm him.

1 Thessalonians 1:4-6
For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you, because our gospel came to you not simply with words, but also with power, with the Holy Spirit and with deep conviction. You know how we lived among you for your sake. You became imitators of us and of the Lord; in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message with the joy given by the Holy Spirit.

Colossians 3:12
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

1 Samuel 16:7
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

John 15:15
I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

Psalm 139:1-4
O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

And yes I have over loaded you all with biblical verses for a reason..............

The reason being. that even though I am hurt and saddened by the people of the world.

I know MY Father, MY God Has plans for me..... MY GOD LOVES ME FOR ME! I dont need friends or fake friends, I just Need MY GOD and MY Family.

And speaking of family.

Matthew 18:20 says

20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

So for anyone that would like to complain or say something about our not being in a church at the moment. here is my answer!!! there are 5 of us. My husband can lead && will Lead, and what is more amazing that surrounding your self in Gods creations of out side: the ocean, the trees, and everything he created in just a few moments!

anyways not exactly the blog i wanted to do bout moving, so...... we will get on that one sooner than later so you all can know what an amazing place we are in compared to the stagnate state we were at with where we came from.

Blessings and love!

Jessica the TWINspiring mom.

P.s. I hope this blog leaves you with a good taste in your mouth. One that lets you know its not where you come from but where you are going. One that lets you know Do what is your hearts desire and NO ONE else matters but God and your family. One that lets you know that YOUR happiness DOES NOT depend on OTHERS

Friday, September 13, 2013

When one Chapter ends

Tonight's blog, is a blog of reflection......... Sorry Ya'll.

I sit here thinking about memories & being nostalgic on the happenings in my life up until this point.

We moved to this lil place, Crockett,  when I as the age  our twins are, two and a half years old. I have left and come back and left and come back and repeated this process over my life.
First, for school in Houston Cause I HATED school here.
Then back and ended up at Grapeland for my remaining years in school.
Then To Huntsville for a short misguided time with a boyfriend.....
Then back..............
Then to Trinity for another misguided time.....
And then back, this time back to the house I was raised in.... For what I like to call a starter marriage.
It should of been, kind of wish from time to time it hadn't of been, But, we live we learn  we grow and we move on. One of the most learning experiences ever. I learned how not to love someone, and how not to be loved, I learned How a marriage should work and how one shouldn't, I learned what was important in a marriage, and what wasn't,  how to speak to someone and how to let someone speak to you.
Lets just say God knew what he was doing as I took the road more traveled, no really like 3 times prior to me, God knew, that I, his lost and misguided child, would find him, come back to him, and need to be reshaped , molded and formed back into the person I was meant to be. God KNEW that I was not to have kids in this marriage, that it was not for that time. HE knew to let me hit rock bottom, and to let me beg  plead and pray for his guidance, mercy and graces.  God let us part ways........ and it was for the best for sure for me.
a few years pass..........
And I head to a funeral, to support my "brother" when I see his brother....... whom I thought didn't want me there for one minute!
3 months later........ March of 2010..... I get a friends request on Facebook....  At this point in my life.... I had finally became happy! Happy with me, Happy with where I was headed in life, Happy with where I was in the moment, Happy with my size, personality & my confidence! Even Happy Knowing I would never conceive, carry or birth children.............. So, the doctor's said.
So, I accepted the friends request, Knowing the past is the past and things can change. Well, we chatted and talked then talked on the phone. Next thing I know we are going on a lunch date.
From lunch date and being given a gift of a 6 month gym membership (which as a couples membership) things just grew and grew fast. (this is where the house that has rebuilt me comes into play)
After our lunch date, we went to the gym after work,
Our 2nd date. The Gym 

then came back to the house where I preceded make him dinner, the first of many, at the house we are moving from. I believe our first meal was actually a quick one cause we were starving, so it was a salad topped with tons and crab meat. This is when he realized he loved salads. Then he brought me breakfast the next morning.  that night i cooked poni chicken, YUMM! if I do say so my self! and from here............ it was all up hill!
My mother got remarried in May, he was my date. Man did we look good together, and it ended up being our "engagement" pictures

We were already so in love......... SO head over heels, Didn't want to spend a waking or sleeping moment away from each other!
Then July came and we moved into this house together.
August we found out our love was multiplying.......
We were expecting, Expecting a shock and a blessing, Actually expecting two shocks and two blessings, The pitter patter of four lil sweet feet were going to become ours Thanks be to God.
Gabriel Lee and Ezekiel James were born 2-14-11 5 lbs 13oz, 5 lbs 10oz 17" 

Never did I know our love could make and create such beautiful blessings, Never did I expect God to bless us in this way. Thus their names, Biblical for how Grateful I am to the Lord for showing us the mercy and Kindness of him allowing us to have beautiful boys! To this day They still make my heart melt!

So, In this house, we were married(well in a church but this is where we came home to) In this house We brought home our two beautiful twin sons.  We shared our first holidays here, we have fought, we have loved, we have grown, we have become stronger in faith and in love....... we spent the twins first Holidays here............... and then...... We were immensely blessed again.....
Daniel Reason 12-5-12 10lbs5oz 21"long
Three beautiful bouncing boys! Doctors said I would be barren, But God said different! Again, I praised God asking him to bestow blessings upon our boys and name him Daniel.
Again, first holidays as a whole and complete family. 
A perfectly imperfect family that was beyond amazing, and beyond any thing I could ever of imagined!
From one to two, Two to Four, four two Five.I have never ever felt so alive!!!

And here we are ......... now. 
Hubby's working down in Lake Jackson, The Kids and I have been relying on the help of family & friends, to get anything done around town. Yet, as of today.............. We are officially moving!
We have the apartment, we have bills being transferred, everything being set up. And I a great feeling about this!
I believe that we are ending one chapter of our lives, and starting a new one. The possibilities are endless because God  writes our love story and we have the choices and opportunities Down there that are amazing for us, Us as a family and us as individuals!  The schools the kids would end up in are amazing! Keith's job is already bestowing more and more responsibility and opportunities for him to advance and grow. The gym I found has a day care!  the college is right there! for both K & I! the community center has amazing classes! There are parks around every corner!!!  Their library has story time & crafts. Its just so much to take in! The churches I have looked into are phenomenal! 
God didnt just close a door and open a window for us with this opportunity, He  Closed the door, left the window shut, and opened up a wall, and said here is a path, this shall be good for you and your family. Living here we have had blessings. We found love made a family and are eternally Grateful for God allowing us to be in the same place at the same time for these things to happen! But, this town just drowns us other wise. We have been lost sheep here for a while, jobs do not pan out, and IMO this city is dying. they do not allow for real truth growth,  and i felt like we were tied down and not going to be able to grow here. 

I do realize we will miss many things about here. 
Lee's China Inn -the place we have celebrated everything, first date, engagement, wedding, babies, EVERYTHING. Robert was always a first to know everything  lol

some friends, that have been God sends from time to time, I know life gets in the way, and I'm sorry that I wasn't a better friend to many of you. It's not that I didn't have time, I am a stay at home mom, and its not that I didn't care. Its more that I never wanted to be a bother or a burden with my kids. I know that might not make sense but. in my head it did. And I wont lie, I could not always look past the people that have hurt us in one way or another to be able to be around them and the friends that I loved. I might guard my heart, but, I really truly Guard my kids. I know in life we all get busy, but you never know when things will change. or when someone might not be there any more. My life lesson is to live in the moment and always try to be there for those you love..................something I have learned in this time. 

Family, The one that hurts the most is not being around our Great aunt, I love her like no other! She brings so much joy to us! Loves us for us and cares for us for us, Never did she ever look down on us for being together, never did she ever NOT love the kids...... She has a love for our boys, that just makes me smile and want to cry as I write this! Seeing her with our boys, melts my heart so much. and touches me. I love seeing the two different generations just have an amazing love for one another!!! SHE is what will keep bringing us back from time to time. Well, her and her daughters and grandkids, They don't seem like distant family but like family of the heart, I wouldn't ever of imagined how close and how much I could love some  "in laws" Of course I will be sad and miss the relationships that finally started to blossom with other family members.  Just goes to show again, life is short, live every day to the fullest! With with out doubts! love with all your heart!

So, Now i sit here......... knowing, in 17 days, we will share (well the weekend before since that is a Monday) but still. we will share, our last anniversary in this house. A house that was built with love and tears and fears, laughs fights, smiles, hugs,  cuddles, the sweetest of memories.
yet, I can sit here, and say, I am ready to embark on the great opportunities and possibilities that God has for us, For knowing we will be creating new memories, celebrating NEW first holidays in a new city, with new sights, and maybe even new traditions. And I know as I take my last steps off this property, I will leave behind the sad............. leave behind the hurt........... all while thinking of all the good. the holidays I shared with my father in this place, the never ending mornings of coffee, the card games and domino games........ the shows we watched together............... and between this house and the one I was raised in ....... the thing that is stuck in my head is...............

May God's blessings flow to all of you my friends, May you know the love and forgiveness of Him. Know that what blessings we have had bestowed upon us are from HIM and HIM alone!
If it wasn't for God, I'm sure we would of been lost a long time ago!
Thanks for reading our story, the end of one chapter and follow us on the journey of another chapter!
Moving with twins plus one, and so many many more blogs to come! PROMISE!!!!
Love and prayers, 

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Lessons from the playground: Biting tongues,lying & gossiping

So, This week I have I keep thinking about biting our tongues, Only saying nice things, Lying, and treating others as you want to be treated. And, Most of this came from a trip to our Local Sonic playground with our boys.
I was raised and taught the following:
Watch my words, 'Cause words can harm.
Speak with kindness
Think before I speak
Treat others as you would like to be treated
Lying- disrespectful & comes back to haunt you
Gossip isn't nice!

Truly, these are very simple ways of thinking and being raised. Honestly it should not be that hard ..........................Right?!?!?!?

But now days this seems so far from what so many do.
Lie about how we are doing, lie about what is happening, lie about our plans, Lie to our bosses to get out of work, lie to friends to get out of doing things, lie to pretty much everyone about everything.
I truly do not understand why Lying has become such the norm?
I try my very best to tell the truth in what ever I say,
There might be moments that I will not saying things to not hurt others, but I wouldn't lie.

Ok, so here is my story from tonight's Sonic trip.
So, We decided that it was time whether or not I was sick (and man I am really trying to get over it so bad!)
to get the kids out of the house, get rid of the cabin fever and do something.
So, Friday sonic play night. Sadly, its the only place we have in town that truly has a play ground, a real out side, in the sun, in the heat, play ground. And the kids were having a blast! (go Figure my baby b who hates sand at the beach is fine with sand at a play ground! UGH!)
Well, we get there and a few others are there, no biggie, its not like there are big kids so I was all okay!  the kids run and play we order the food, lil Reason is sitting in a bumbo just a cooing at daddy, and I'm running wild with the twinks. We are all having fun! And next thing I know........Here comes a woman, with 2 kids, one is around 1-2 years old and the other looks to be about 6 ish........... well she knows another couple at the play ground. NO Biggie again! right? WRONG, So as we are trying to just enjoy this time, she is all blabbing to the people about her life, her lil one with her is not hers but shes stuck raising him, shes enjoying it but made her realize she missed so much of her own kids lives, the other couple is talking about the 2 yr old they have with them is a great gran, and blah blah. and all the TMI is going on and on and on.
So, lets pause for a moment,
when I am out and about, I try not to talk in public about personal matters, I am not going to be on a cell or talking in person about things that others are not needing to know............. BIG PET PEEVE of mine.....
So This was already putting a small damper on our evening out..........
Well, as shes running down all the family problems, she mentions the older kid is A.D.D blah blah, and a bunch more, well........ I'm watching my kids, Well, isn't that what a parent should be doing? I mean Yes I might be a lil over board being that there isn't a gate to keep them corralled in the place and the play ground is rather high, and the fence around it with my luck the boys could squish through if they really wanted to............ So, I'm watching, and I see her kid just throwing sand all over my babies. She........ is still talking....... not watching and when she does see him , she sits there and hollers hey, quit throwing sand, (mean while that's not when he is doing it to my kids) Hubby is feeding lil Reason....... so, we are trying to hurry up, we had already been there a while and well, we knew the kids were not going to eat as long as they knew they could be playing, even with all the falls, cuts, scraps, bleeding and what not's they had been having and doing. So it continues and continues with her kid, and shes still not doing a thing and not watching, why? cause shes more into talking about her her family, her sister, her daughter, blah blah...........
So, Finally We get the kids and try to start packing it up, well now I'm cleaning the kids, and trying to get sand out of their ears, eyes, faces, mouths, hair, shirts, every small crevice it could be in from the child throwing it on them....... And out of no where, here comes one of the most annoying questions from her! OH all boys, so are you going to keep trying for a girl. THANK GOODNESS My husband answered! Nope, we are done. and shes all well that's a shame.
So, Question, Why do people think it is there business to say oh I bet your done, or Are you going to keep trying, or wow what a group or what ever?!?! Where is it a strangers business, or even family or a friends business to ask these kinds of questions?!?!
Any who, So, this is where I have so many issues.
Why do parents not watch their kids closer?
Why do parents think that screaming from the sidelines will discipline or change the manner a kid behaves?
And when did parents really become so lazy, as to not want to be active in a child's life?
I am not one to want to sit on the side lines, Not if it comes to anything.
Why not want to be active in a child's life? if its correcting bad behaviors? or praising them ? or even if its literally running right beside them? When did we as parents truly decide to NOT be an active figure in our  babies lives?
I am a believer in the spare the rod spoil the child, meaning if you do not discipline, they will just pretty much run wild.
And the lying. Well, I have had several conversations lately with friends and "family" making me wonder why and when did lying become the thing to do?  People do not like being lied to. it offends us, hurts us and really can kill any relationship you have with someone. It ruins friend ships, and ruins trust and bonds that should not be broken in families too!
And since we are on the subject of lying, what is the point in talking to me, and saying stuff and acting like you like me or my husband, just to turn around and say, hey, oh my her husband is so stupid and so this and so that??? whether or not you are family or a friend, that is so two faced! I'm sick of it. and it has permanently ruined some relationships I have.
People are missing out on My children's lives due to lying, back stabbing, sabotaging, being blinded and of course being two faced.
Nothing that is wrong with you mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually or in any form or fashion makes this acceptable to me!!!
My Children are my world. What I do, what others do or say, will make the difference in them.  And, I refuse to let anything BAD be in their lives.
Irony, to me is that They know, Kids know if you are real or fake....... they feel it, its instinct when they are little. And when I stop and think about we can drive any where and see anyone and they are fine but when we head towards certain people when we did go to see them..... every single time, they would act out on the way there and get physically ill! That should of been a sign to begin with! let alone when they usually didn't want to kiss hug or say bye or even welcome them into the place we were.
I know my subjects are just running into each other, and nothing is making sense really, but.............. this is the thing...............
God knows, God sees, and God hears.
No, he isnt' Santa LOL, but its true.
So, Instead of being rude and hateful tonight at the play ground............ We just packed up and left. it was best for everyone in my opinion. And I tend to do this lots.
In stead of lying, Speak the truth! Try it, It wont hurt I promise
And............. now, I challenge you to get out and do something with your kids/family/husband today. even if its just walking down the street holding hands. Show your family you love them! That they matter, Put the phone away for a few hours. and concentrate on your loved ones. DONT miss out on time with them. Today is a gift, use it wisely for tomorrow is NOT promised! Dont take your family for granted!!!
Sorry for the rants and ramblings of a sick and sleep deprived mommy!


Thursday, July 18, 2013

To compare or not to compare......... this should not be a question.

I am so unsure of why women are like this!!
Is there anything we do not compare?

We compare,






hair: styles, colors, looks, cuts, etc.,

make up,

we compare weight, bust sizes, measurements,

WE compare;



Husbands jobs,

our accomplishments,

husbands accomplishments,



how we cook, who we like that cooks, kitchens,

we compare;

Life skills, how we raise our children, the milestones our children hit, when they hit them how much hair, how big, how tall, weights, accomplishments, awards, grades, etc.

And really I can not say that MEN do this as bad as women do.

And yes I am sure I miss a lot of things that we compare, but I am here to say I hate this!

I am sick and tired of feeling JUDGED.

I am sick and tired of feeling COMPARED TO OTHERS! or feeling MY CHILDREN are compared.

This is what I think.............

1. if it works for you. then keep at it, and if it doesnt, then change it.


breastfeeding vs formula feeding, cosleeping vs cribs, cloth diapers vs disposables, organic vs non organic, home made vs store bought, spanking vs non spankers,

I dont care what you do or how you do it, as long as you and your kids are happy that is all that matters.

but let me put it out there.................

MY kids were preemies, and I had no choice in the matter per say.

MY kids are formula fed,

MY KIDS sleep on their own,

MY KIDS are on bottles/sippys

MY kids have had organic, non organic, sugar(very little) and lots of sugar free, MY KIDS like sweet n low........... MY Kids love milk, non organic kind, MY kids eat every thing in sight, MY kids had peanut butter before the age of 1, MY Kids do not like sodas, MY kids wear disposable diapers, MY kids are my kids...... get it? I will spank, I will swat hands, I teach about GOD too!

MY kids walked, crawled, and hit all mile stones in due time. for them.................. MY kids are also all boys! boys usually are slower than girls.......

MY twins got teeth at 5 & 11 weeks actual age......... which means, they were actually 39weeks gestaton and 5 weeks corrected....... (remember people they were preemies)

Daniel has 1 tooth and 1 with a point through right now at 7 months, that just goes to show we . are all different.

I am so sick of hearing well so and so's lil girl is blah blah blah, WHO CARES!!!!!!!! 1. A singleton is NOTHING like MULTIPLES!! Trust me I KNOW! also, just an FYI taking care of one baby is such a breeze compared to multiples! I don't get why so many moms complain! (but then again all kids are different!)

MY KIDS went through hell when I was pregnant with their baby brother, HELL and back per say, they were bashed, by some "family" for being they way they are but get this, I am a stay at home mom. I enjoy it, and I wouldn't change it for the world, They are (were) use to be being here when they woke, when they ate, when they napped, when they went to bed, when they played, when they needed diaper changes, I was always here. My husband made the choices he felt was right, and If you were him who knows what choices you would of made!!!
So, every hospital stay I had, he went with, why? well being its really none of anyone's business I'm letting it out, WHY is because he was afraid of leaving me and his unborn child, WHY is because he was afraid of LOSING His wife and or his baby! WHY is because WE knew that the family and the REAL FRIENDS we had that offered to watch them.......... were totally capable of taking care of the twins, if you sit down and think about the trips we made, how often it was, how far it was and how rough it was YOU probably would of made the same choices!!!! It would make no sense to drop me off and have to turn right back around!!! WE chose the people that watched them wisely, WE knew they could handle it, WE knew they were stable, WE knew they wouldn't lose it with them. I my self and VERY VERY picky over who watches MY KIDS. They are MY kids, that GOD him self bestowed upon me to guide, guard and protect, to raise in the manner that I saw fit. I am a VERY loving person, and I am very trusting but when it comes to MY kids, I choose what I think is best.

Now, back to the comparisons........... that majorly IRK me! I hate yes I used the word hate, I hate when someones's baby is 19 days older or younger, or a month older or younger, or even years older and younger, and YOU feel the need to compare. I don't care if its your kid, your niece, your grand baby or what ever, DO NOT feel the need to compare kids to mine. Technically now days 37 weeks is practically full term, so you don't have a need to do adjusting for prematurity, and there are different levels of being premature. I typically do not adjust the twins or Daniel unless I see fit. And yes Most are caught up by age 2, but again, twins are a different subject all together, everything can make a difference in when milestones are hit, G&Z were above and beyond their levels until I was pregnant and we went through the traumas we did during that time, and YES it made them take steps backwards and turn their twin bond into something even stronger than it was before.

and Yes Daniel was premature too! Even though he was a big baby and over all very healthy he was still premature. I am tired of watching and listening to others and feeling like I should feel guilty that he is not at mile stones that others babies are at. and I have come to the conclusion that I shouldn't! People should take into consideration when they are being inconsiderate! Daniel is still VERY big for his age! not many 7 month, 6 month adjusted babies are in 12 & 18 month clothes, he is strong and is also very chunky appx. 25 lbs right now. so between size and prematurity yes... his mile stones will be different, just like the twins are. does this mean they are stupid or less than since they are not where YOUR kids are? HELLO!!!!!! NO! it doesnt! It means that you should stop and take a moment and think............. NOT everyone is where they should be in life at any age!

And just so you realize this let me show you famous premature babies,

Pablo Picasso

Thomas HardyFranklin RooseveltJohn KeatsMark TwainNapoleon BonaparteRenoirSir Winston ChurchillJohann GoetheStevie WonderD H LawrenceThomas HobbesVictor HugoVoltaireJean-Jacques RousseauAnna PavlovaCarol and Mark ThatcherIssac NewtonCharles DarwinAlbert Einstein

Tiki and Ronde Barber

Stevie Wonder

Joe Jonas

Michael J. Fox


and just to be even more informative....

The following people have been diagnosed as being somewhere on the autistic spectrum but the specific classification is unknown.

Daryl Hannah,

Christopher Knowles,

Matthew Laborteaux,

Katherine McCarron,

Jason McElwain,

Michael Moon,

Jasmine O'Neill,

Sue Rubin,

Birger Sellin,

Robert Gagno,

Famous people with

Asperger syndrome

Dan Aykroyd,

Richard Borcherds,

William Cottrell,

Craig Nicholls

Gary Numan,

Dawn Prince-Hughes,

Judy Singer,

Vernon L. Smith,

Satoshi Tajiri,

Daniel Tammet,

Liane Holliday Willey,

People with high-functioning autism

Michelle Dawson,

Temple Grandin,

Hikari Oe,

Bhumi Jensen,

Dylan Scott Pierce,

Donna Williams,

Stephen Wiltshire,

Axel Brauns,

Famous autistic savants

Alonzo Clemons,

Tony DeBlois,

Leslie Lemke,

Jonathan Lerman, ]

Thristan Mendoza

Jerry Newport

Derek Paravicini,

James Henry Pullen,

Matt Savage,

Henriett Seth-F.,

People with severe autism
Tito Mukhopadhyay,

Famous people with Downs Syndrome

Chris Burke
Jane Cameron
Sujeet Desai
Michael Johnson

Bernadette Resha

So for those that want to judge..... or think you are special for having a baby that isnt premature or doesnt have issues, or is right on q with every lil milestone.......... stop and think about this! Some of the greatest were not PERFECT to the world but Perfect to their familes! or perfect for them! NO ONE PERSON IS TOTALLY PERFECT, but, anyone can be a somebody! and all should be important! Ok off my soap box for the day now.


Mother of multiples plus one,

Mother of Preemies,

Mother of babies that hit mile stones later,


Thursday, June 13, 2013


Well, As most my friends know We took the kids down for doctor's appointments in Galveston and League City.
Daniel's appointment was fast and easy! 7th floor  and by the time we sat down to feed, we were called back to the offices. all they did was put the lil ear phones in, holding it on easier with this retro looking wanna be 80's head band and read his ears.  Only problem is my lil Reason is a major talker. took a lil longer than i guess it should cause of course you have to have silence while doing these test. but still only about 15 mins and we were done and outta there.
From there we were supposed to go on and head out to San Luis Pass, drop off Frank the wonder pug, and eat a bite and head over to LC.  Well, Of course that did not happen as planned, by the time we got picked up, Reason and I, by Keith and  the twins, well....... we didnt have the extra alloted time for all of that. So, we headed straight to League City.
When we arrived we had a lil over an hour to kill so Keith drove us around and around and around. Best thing I could tell was, Their school district's are awesome down there! I was telling Keith if we ever move it really does have to be to a place like LC because of the schools, and the play grounds and how appealing it is in the area. PLUS! The Stripes gas station! WOW! freaking awesome!!!!  If we would of put gas on a card of theirs we would of gotten it for 3.11!!!! Sad thing is that You can NOT see this station from the freeway and its a bit down the rd at the #22 exit. but it was a gem to find and know about!
Well, Over all the appointments went well. Gabe has to have a 2 person hearing test because he still does not want to cooperate with having things in his ears and stuff like that and I can not blame him.
and with Ezekiel  well, they want him on some nose spray because they think he might have fluid but that it would be more allergy related than not. Dr. Pine is amazing, he him self has twins and understands more than the average bear. and does not want to just jump and say lets do tubes like so many around here want to! short and sweet on this lil update. Will talk more about the kids and san Luis Pass later on.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

March.......... and all of its glory...

I realize at times that I just dont take enough time to think..... to remember.. or to be nostalgic.
March has Lots going on it in for me.. Not as much as Dec, Jan or FEB for sure.. but Lots of meaningful dates...
First and for most......... This is the month that my Mother and Father wed.. This is the Month that lead to me being me, being born, and having the life they provided me with. I miss my daddy!
Second, My Grandmother passed away on March 27th 2005....... IT was Easter Sunday that year... I stayed with her as long as I could and every Hour that I could. My "Ex" and I..... went to walmart to pick somethings up.... and I got a call. saying this was it she was Headed HOME.  Seems every holiday has some connection to a death..... My Father passed on an Ash Wednesday, My Grams On Easter, My Grandfather around Christmas time, my Other Grandmother's funeral was on St. Patrick's day. BUT.....
What has really come to my mind and bought tears to my eyes..... is What God has given me in this month.....
On 3-25-10 I received a friends request on facebook........
A request I was never expecting. A request I wouldn't of normally accepted! I thought about it and finally accepted it.... It was from Keith. (my husband now lol)
I knew him from high school, I knew him from when he lived with his friend Chris during out high school years and when i was staying with my friend who lived right there next to Chris.  He was the wear black, be a bad boy kind of guy....... I was far from wanting to date a bad boy!!!
BUT, I thought about all the time that had passed and that maybe we could be friends. I mean its just facebook, not like I would be stuck with him in my friends list if I didnt want to be. I could just as easily delete him as easily as I added him.. RIGHT?!?!?!
I thought back to December and being at the funeral of his mother........ and how I felt like he was just staring me down like he didn't want me there.... like who in the hades was I for showing up....
Then The request...... SO, I did accept.. Next thing i know... he was talking to me about going out on a date. I tried to put him off as long as I could.
I remember sitting in "director sheperd's" office..... a dear friend, Great boss, and wonderful influential woman who suggested... That I do a lunch date.... that way she knew where I was, When i was leaving and when I would be expected back.... trying to help protect me from this "WEIRDO"
SO I suggested that..... he accepted...  ( stopping and realizing that it makes me feel like I made the first move... haha) On March 30th 2010.. we met for a Lunch date, at Lee's where we now go to celebrate  every good thing that we have happen to us!!
Well, It went from a lunch date.. where he bought us a couples gym membership.. To Gym after work, and my cooking him dinner.. poni chicken! First mean i got to cook for him!!!
To him bringing my breakfast to my door in the morning..... Talk about a whirl wind romance!!!!
We both had been through, sadness, losses, heart breaks, trials and tribulations, But God brought us together.. knowing we would become stronger with him helping us and binding us together!
Both of our past marriages... Yes we both have been married before... me once, him twice... ended in bad ways. I like to call them our starter marriages.... they taught us what NOT to do.... how NOT to act...... and turned us into better people..... we know we don't like abuse, cheaters, liars, etc... We don't like fighting and screaming or confrontations....... we both do our best to avoid them. We work out our differences with talking instead of fighting screaming or hollering... Because of our past.. we have a future! Because of the road we went down.... our roads have joined and became one....... smooth yet bumpy at times. but its our Mahanay Lane =) its our road and we control how we respond to the bumps, dips and curves.....
Thanks to God, I have an amazing husband, Three beautiful boys..... and a life of love and happiness...... We rely on our selves..... we stand together strong and united on all grounds.. thanks to the "SOLID GROUND" that we built our lives and home upon.

Now, I cant lie.. I often wonder at times.... if ... we would of really met, really thought about dating in High School...... what would of come?? would we of hit it off? would be be married today? having and celebrating a marriage of say 10+ years? I guess that's the i wish we were a fairy tale...... but... Life is so much better than a fairy tale!!!
All I know... is that  Thanks to Keith........ for sending the friends request...... we are together today. It started as a whirl wind...... and it continues to be one........
From meeting, dating, getting divorces finalized, Conceiving twins, Getting married, celebrating birthdays, holidays and special occasions, to having Daniel........ 3 children, two pregnancies, in 2years and 4 months........ its been a wild and wonderful ride..........
I cant wait .... til we are Old.(getting there) and grey(thats already started too)  holding hands... on a porch swing.. watching grand kids..... great grands..... what ever. playing.. to be able to look back and see what all we have gone through by then..... what all we stuck together through......... To see How the boys turn out and what they grow up to be! To see what they look like then compared to now..... To continue to raise them, teach them, and instill values and morals....... Praying that they change the world! and then world doesn't change them!
I just know, I dont want to take a day for granted!! I dont want to miss a moment to tell Keith I love him, how much i adore him, how i appreciate what he does for our family and my self, What a wonderful man he is and how proud I am of him. What a great father he is....... I want to raise him up, every day that we are together... I might have failed several days, weeks, even months, in the time we have been together. But... I aspire to do better, and to continue to do better day by day and year by year.

Makes me stop and think about one of our all time fav movies..... fire proof!!! and these lines from that wonderful movie

lf l haven't told you...

...that you are a good man... are.

And if l haven't told you...

...that l've forgiven you...

...l have.

And if l haven't told you...

...that l love you...

...l do.

Something has changed in you,

And l want what happened to you
to happen to me.

lt can.

ls it too late to ask you
to grow old with me?

It's never to late to try!!! 
and I lovingly leave you all with those words!!
Jessica the eternal romantic.... 

Friday, March 8, 2013

moto board for sunnys

my  motivatinal board for sunny gals

pic below is to remind me of where i came from and where i will go back to!!!  plus a cute dress id like to be able to wear if i could haha
great quote dont limit your challenges challenge your limits

plus one from Shannon DEY  life a turtle's life stick your neck out!!!

to  look challenge in tghe eye and smile as i crush it

to smell the sweet smell of success
To play with my kids for real and not sit on the side lines
 BECAUSE DIETING SUCKS! but a life style change taste great!
to be eye candy for my husband!!

old pic of me plus a few work out options

shannon dey rocks!!! 

picture memory.....

Some Picture memories... and a special thanks to Tina Kendall who did these wonderful scrapp pages for my first 100+ lbs lost!!! some pics from 2008 and some from around 2010 more like en of 2009 though =) 
I have to say it was easier to lose the weight when kid free too! Props to moms who lose and keep it off for the long haul!!!

Now some face comparisons

 Pink shirt is pre weight loss. back around 2008 when my life change for the better
this re shirt is 100+ lbs gone... around 203 lbs here and in a 14

This is after the twins............ about 250's

 Pregnant with #3 Lil Daniel reason...  took 3x maternity to even kinda fit
about 3 months post Daniel... back into some of my pants prepregnancy but shirts i cant stand snug so larger shirts than i was in :/ 280's

And body shapes....... which is crazy

 Top stripe shirt pic is largest that i know of NON pregnant...
that was in 2007 dec.

Zebra shirt is me playing director =) size xl/14 after weight loss 203 lbs here....

 top pic pregnant with twins.. day before delivery...
this one is my reality pic form after twins... about 250...........

 top is pregant with #3.......... weighed in at 329 day before delivery!!!!!
this one to the left is current around 280 lbs....

Now....looking at sizes like this how could anyone be happy unless they were back t where they were comfortable. i guess if you have been fat your whole life and know nothing different maybe you can be comfortable.... but not me, i dont want to be the fat mom who sits on the side lines... i dont want to be the one worried if i sit down will a wooden or metal chair break or hold me..
just a lil make me stop and think blogs today sorry
peace out!