Wednesday, October 23, 2013

the 30 list!


1. List 20 random facts about yourself.

I'm 31 and keep thinking I am 32. haha

I had 3 kids in 22 months

I have a weakness for popcorn

Since being "older" there are not many veggies or fruits I will not eat.

I was(am/always will be) a band geek!

I play the flute(do not insert jokes here >-< )

I did go to band camp one time. (again do not insert jokes here)

I have studied at 3 different colleges and still have hardly any credits.

I was born in HOUSTON

Raised In Crockett.

I am a fan of everything HOUSTON! (rockets, astros, Texans, Dynamo & Aeros)

I am on my 2nd marriage.

The first was even declared divorce worthy by a catholic priest! (that says something right there!)

MY husband is my soul mate.

we went to the same high school, even to the same prom, and ever really "met" and we were in a small school.

I have PCOS.

I was told I would never ever have kids not even though fertility treatments. by SEVERAL drs.

I have had "5" surgeries and 1 broken bone in 31 years of life.

I have a love of the arts, Paintings, sculptures, music, plays, musicals, be it in person or on tv.

Im a perfectionist at heart, who is so ocd, and ADD that nothing is ever right that I do.

2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

Acrophobia- Fear of heights, but really its heights plus bridges, that came from when i was a child and we got side swiped and all i remember is sitting in the back of the vehicle and being able to see the water....... not the side of the bridge not the road but water only. or so that's what my memory recalls plus, the added weight doesn't help me out at all with the fear. being heavier hurts more when you fall LOLOL.

Climacophobia- Fear of stairs, climbing, or of falling downstairs. I can walk em I can Climb em........ but..... i freak out in my head when thinking about falling well and if you add in an escalator it freaks me out thinking about getting stuck in them......

Kakorrhaphiophobia- Fear of failure or defeat. I fear all the time, that I am not good enough, not smart enough, not bright enough, Fear that what ever i touch or try to do I will fail at. I fear failing at being a good wife, at being a loving caring supportive proverbs 31 woman/wife. I fear at failing my kids at being the best mom they could have, I fear failing to be a good daughter. I fear failing to be a good Christian, A good friend. etc. Of course i have never been clinically proven to have these fears but when you really stop and think about what bothers you what you deep in your heart feel and fear you can get a list a mile long I am sure!

3. Describe your relationship with your parents.

I am very close with my mother. Shes my mom, my best friend, my kids grandmother, and a stand up amazing woman! My father God rest his soul, I miss more and more every day with every thing that the kids go though and do.

4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.

God comes first always!

Do what brings your heart joy!

Never let others take you for granted!

Stand up for what is right!

Stand up for your self!

Believe in your self and God ALWAYS!

Keep the faith in your self and in GOD NO matter what!

people come and people go, but its God who is always there for you no matter what!

Wait for God to show you the door to love. He has a plan you just wont understand!

Even though Family always comes first to you, Not all people think that way!

Walk away from being hurt & don't look back!

(yes there are 11) haha

5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?





and our new home!!!!!!!

6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

Leaving my twins, Gabe & Zeke, to go to the hospital for who knew how long....... days away........ while pregnant with Daniel........... but this almost ties with When Gabe and Zeke were born and shipped a state away.

7. What is your dream job, and why?

Well, My dream jobs, as a child were being a mother (and yes a SAHM was the dream) and having my MSN in nursing and being a nurse. ......... one down one to go. Nursing is a job that touches my heart, The VA nurses my dad had.......... and the NICU nurses my kids have....... its one of the most important jobs out there!

8. What are 5 passions you have?



life(any my husband and kids )


active life style!

9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.

Peggy Lou Orbke: my Grandmother A strong stubborn, amazing, woman!

Patricia Lynne Moore: My Mother, A woman who Molded me by showing me how strong, smart, beautiful, gifted, graceful, loving, kind, compassionate, determined and a great mother!

C.D.P. for showing me what I do and do not want in a husband, he was a wonderful brother who was strong and amazing in so many ways and had such great qualities that I looked up to when I was younger.

Mel: for showing me that all things are possible and you can make it though anything if you rely on God and put your all into it!!!
Lee Roy Vargas, For showing me what a great man is made of! for showing me how to work hard and learn new things at any age!
Sandra Dillard, For being an amazing teacher, friend and inspirational woman!

Gabriel and Ezekiel: for being super heroes, over coming so many obstacles that were put in their path since birth!
Daniel: for coming out big and strong and showing us what he is made of from a early age!

Sonia, She was one that I looked up to since I was born, Smart Beautiful, and over all awesome. when i as young she is who i wanted to be like and boy could you tell from small things like my messy bed room haha.

10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.

Most embarrassing one i remember was at state play offs for Football my Jr year. we were having to do our routine on the side lines due to bad weather and us not being allowed on the field when we were in the middle of our routine, we switched flags ( i was on the flag line) so we all drop our polls pick up our others and a team mate threw her poll in the wrong place, i stepped on it slipped and busted my butt ................ in front of what felt like 1000's of people.............

11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.



picking wedgies,

picking noses,

picking at your teeth,

sucking things out of your teeth,



not using thanks please, yes maam no maam yes sir no sir. (so manners in genreal)

leaving the toilet seat up!!!!!

12. Describe a typical day in your current life.


drink coffee

get kids up

feed em

pick up,

feed em again

pick up

feed em again

pick up



13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.

my kids

my husband,

my mother

arms hahahaha

chocolate cake teeeheehee.

14. Describe 5 strengths you have.

the things i am the strongest at are loving those who love me

helping those that i can

relying on GOD

physically my legs haha

and im not too shabby at writing poetry

15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?

Id want to be a penguin or a lobster (that reminds me of the show friends) cause Id want to know my husband was my mate for life no matter what.

16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?

3 of my greatest accomplishemnts are my kids Gabe Zeke and Daniel.

one i would like to say was losing the 100+lbs before the twins and i like love to say that #5 is repeating that....... so we will leave #5 blank for now =)

17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?

At believing in my self!!!!!!!

18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?

Not accepting me, my kids or my husband, and us not being put before others who do not matter. I know that sounds foolish, but again you know i believe in FAMILY first!

19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

Any where my husband is, that is where I want to be!!!

20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.

1.) On palm Sunday Getting a palm leaf, making it into a cross and walking home with my father from church.

2.) The Christmas that my parents came home with a blaizer full of wrapped gifts picking out one gift, then taking the rest and delivering them to children who were in need in our county!

3.) every holiday season baking breads cookies and candies with my mom!!!

21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?

I have a super power! I made twins! =) hehe other wise maybe i would like to be a human lie detector!!!!!

22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?

5 years maybe graduating college, kids in school and being an active part of the PTA!
10 years, lots and lots and lots of games for sports the kids are in ;)
15 years, i hope to be thinking about a way to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary together that would only be 2 years away from then.

23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.

cooking, sewing, baking, playing the flute, cant think of another great one right now. haha cause they are all so different and relaxing for me!

24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.

not too much differnet just all boys in the house now vs 1b 1g from when i was a kid, other wise values and morals are still instilled strong!

25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?

I would love a dinner with my grand parents and great grand parents, I would love to know more about who I am where I came from and where all that combined with me today would show where I am headed. and meals i would just want foods from the generations.

26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?

has most wrong? like one thing is worse than the other?

IMO, its a lot!

men are supposed to be the leaders in the house.

it was adam and eve not adam and steve...... no offense but the only want to know in the end other than we are supposed to live by the bible is when GOD calls us all home.

that abortion is ok and your not killing a baby your killing a lump of cells, its a baby! no matter what you want ot call it the moment the sperm meets the egg its a baby!

that money makes the world go round, what the world needs most is love and compassion. not money and worldly things!

27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?

my lips cause they are pouty and full

28. What is your love language?

Keith knows, thats all that matters LOL

29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?

that even though I am a "fixer" and a "people pleaser" that I do have a breaking point where my give a darn is broken and I no longer care. That I can only turn the other cheek so many times before I am worn out.

30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

being a GOD fearing woman,

being compassionate,

being loving,

being caring,

having a huge heart,

for raising Good boys who are morally sound, smart, and God fearing men.

For being my mother's daughter my Grandmothers grand daughter and my fathers daughter!!!

For having great work ethic!

For knowing how to take care of the home manage it and for being a great home maker and mother

For being a proverbs 31 wife and woman!

Finding Neverland

Let's begin with the moving day.............

I lucked into my Sister in love being able to watch the kids, G, E & D.

So that Morning, Keith And I woke up, got the kids up, and tried to start getting them ready when we received the call from Mom n Pops that they were just a 'lil ways away. So, as I'm trying to rush, here they come. Oh the looks of shock and awe on Gabe and Zeke's faces when they saw their Gigi was PRICELESS! Made me melt, made me want to cry. It had been about 2 months since they last saw her, which was funny because it really didn't feel that long in a way. They stopped in their places, smiled and then ran to her. Eager, ready and willing to be devoured in her hugs, kisses and all the love they could get. The bond and closeness that my children have with my mother is priceless to me! I could never ever ever ask for a better Grandmother to my children! I am blessed that she is my mom, but even more blessed that she is the grandmother to my children. It warms the cockles of my heart to see how much they love her!

So, on the road we go to get them dropped off to my Sister in love after we have the warming reunion. Then back to the house to start loading up as much as we could. OH the HORRORS of packing and loading.......... I was no way ready to really try to move. I did good with getting done what I could when it was just the kids and I at the house. All I can say now is HIRE MOVERS! and HIRE PACKERS, and HIRE THEM TO DO EVERY LITTLE THING THERE IS!

Oddly, it didn't really bother me when we were loading the house up, didn't bother me when we loaded the trailer, didn't bother me pulling away.......... I really thought it would. With all the emotions that were flooding my heart and mind the week before, I am still in shock and awe that I could leave with a happy heart. no fears, no dreading, no tears, no sadness. God provided me with a cool calm and collectiveness that I needed to get though these times.

So, after a few hours of doing the packing and loading....... off to pick up the kids and catch up to Keith and pops ........

Picking the kids up.....

well that was bitter sweet. Daniel was laying down with Chelsy.......... sleeping beauty didn't want to wake up for me to really say good bye........... But Daniel was wide awake and ready to go. The twins well they were worn out and tired. So loaded up car seats and loaded up babies. gave a hug to sister in love and we headed on our way. Surprised I didn't cry here either!

The Drive,......

was long...... haha. we stopped in Huntsville the BIG boys ate Golden corral but since they twins were practically nakie (from messiness at aunties house haha) and all their clothes were packed......... we got Churches and ate in the van with them.

When we arrived, we bought the kids up......... and OH MY WORD! They were so excited, they ran from end to end. checked out everything, THEY LOVE going up and down the stairs to the apartment. their faces were priceless! I would not of guessed they would of been so happy here until that very moment! God surely has blessed us with so many things in so many ways!

The unloading & unpacking,

Needless to say, I am actually still unpacking 18 days later. Its been a tornado in the house for a while now. Not bad per say but not totally livable by any means! Their bathroom was done almost instantly. Their bed room came together that night first night with the beds, and since has been decorated. as of two days ago their closet is just how I want it other than I need lots and lots more hangers for them.

As of yesterday The kitchen is just about how I want it. the living room is pretty good. Our bathroom is finito! for sure! our bedroom is a wreck! but It will be, and shall be worked on this week for sure.

My thoughts...

I love apartment living! So many said I wouldn't, I don't mind close by neighbors, I don't mind our area at all! I actually do not mind up stairs living, I know its only been 18 days, but I am in HOG heaven! We have our routines and we deal with them great! the kids are sleeping better here in their room together than they ever did at the casa de crockett. All three share their room, sleep through the night and sure don't mind it at all! they know we always eat at the table (already! haha) they are more open chatting more and more and are growing up even more since we have been here I swear!!

Daniel was crawling before we left our home in Crockett, Since, he has gotten so fast its not funny, sits up on his own and gets back down on his own, eats all our food and practically refuses baby foods. The new ECI ladies the twins have taken to like a charm! they each have their own lady and the come at the same time on the same day so that they both get to "play" with their worker!
the weekend we moved here, we went and shopped at grocery store and ate at cici's and they had a blast. The first weekend after moving here we went to the Mall and the kids played and played and played, then we went to a riverside park the following day and they played and played and played!
Their hearts seem so happy here!
The 2nd weekend, We went to the beach! and to a park! again. they are just eating this up!
I Knew It was time for us to leave................. I KNEW it had been coming for quite some time............... I love my CKTT friends and family, but the place is dead. It hasn't really grown, they wont let it grow in ways that would really benefit kids, etc, and haven't since I was a child! yes its nice quite country living where everyone knows everyone but they also gossip like crazy and get all up into every ones business like crazy too! I'm not knocking CKTT so don't y'all all go and get offended, its just a bitter sweet thing to me always has been. Its the place I was raised up, the place where drama ruled my life, it tore me down, and God had to build me back up. Its the place that So much hurt and pain has came and gone. And honestly its a place I hope God doesn't have in mind for us to live again. Visit ? YES Real soon. Stay for a bit........ sure........ but live life for ever............ raise my kids there...................... etc.............. Prayerfully not. I just Pray God of course Leads us always where he wants, and I always pray its where we will thrive and flourish......... but where we just came from was not that place for us. I know it is for some but it really couldn't do it for us.
If you have not..... I pray you seek it and find it with God's help and light.

The opportunities & possibilities ............

Are endless!!!!

This past weekend the 3rd after moving, we have gone to the beach/fished, then went back to the beach on Sunday, followed by a huge 5th annual thing here in the memorial park Tons of Christian bands(mostly rap and some a 'lil hard for my liking) but had booths pizza root beer floats and bouncy houses!

This up and coming weekend I'm sure if the weather permits we will be beach bound again! ;) No complaints here haha. and there is a fall festival going on where costumes are welcomed and we are SO READY!!!!!!!

The schools, the sports, the activities, for adults or children, the clubs (as in like things to do reading, biking, 4H, quilting, etc...) there is just SO MUCH STUFF!!

But, Where we are right now.............. Where we are planting new roots.......... this...... seems to be where We need to be, where my children need to be! Where my Husband IS PROUD of him self and I have never seen him as proud as he was just yesterday! That is what makes my heart happy.

You dream and you dream of finding a place where you thrive flourish and love. Some where you don't have to run away from. SOME where that you could technically get lost in............ You dream a lil dream........... make a lil wish............... You know that "some where...........................over the rain birds fly............................ " and you dream about seeing that place....... about ..............

Finding that place..............................

While I feel we have Grown up a lot in just moving and getting out of where we were.............

I believe.................

we have found our Grown up .............


Keith might just be peter pan...............And I might just be Wendy..................and the 3 monkeys maybe just maybe are the lost boys.................... But, We have our tree house up in the sky on never never land............. (never never to me must be always hehe)

and I leave you with this..................

Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope. Psalm 16:9

Have you found your never land? The place where your heart is glad? you rejoice ? where you can rest in hope?

Blessings and love,

In HIS Grace,


Thursday, October 17, 2013

Sticks and stones

Sitting here today, Thinking about when we are little we are taught the lil saying....

Sticks and stones will break my bones,

but words will never hurt me.

And I realize, I will NOT be teaching that to my kids.

Words do hurt, they hurt in a way that can really leave a scar. It might be a scar on the inside but its a scar none the less!

Looking back to child hood, I was fearless!!

Nothing bothered me NOTHING scared me and NOTHING would ever bring me down!!!

But now, I stop and I realize, There are people on my friends list that I know I should delete. All they do is bring me down. But, IF I deleted them..... I know I would get messages and responses of Why are we not friends any more? Whats wrong? What did I do?

And the thing is, Im too polite to tell people still to this day that they have hurt me. That they have gone behind my back. That the KNIFE in my Back hurts so bad that all I want to do is cry. Why do I not tell them? Cause for one, They are a fake friend. They say they are on your side, They say they are there for you, they say blah blah blah(cause you know when you have one of those friends that is about all you hear after turning the cheek so many times) But it gets tiring, To always be the one to be hurt. To always be there for them though, text, email, facebook, phone calls, but to always be walked on like you are dirt beneath their feet. Heck Today I feel like even Carpet, tile, linoleum, and concrete are above me.

Why do I let things like this bother me? and get me down. And why do I hold it in is what I am always asking myself?

Well today its in a blog. I am letting my feelings out. I might get a PM or two about who are you talking about and what did I do. and again I will as usual respond with Its not you and never mind.

Looking back over the years, I have had a Friend, lets call him Jackson, Who married a lady named Melanie, and they have kids, the oldest is Rebecca. Well, for many many years I was always there for Jackson and Melanie, Loved them to death, I would even consider them family, Just like a brother and sister to me. So when Rebecca came (shes the oldest) of course I would of considered her a niece, Well, From that moment on, it was like I wasn't who they use to care for. I wasn't good enough to watch Rebecca , Or what I got Rebecca as Presents wasnt Good enough. Nothing I could ever do was ever pleasing to Jackson and Melanie. So I felt like I was a piece of dirt. Now their friends Lisa and the aunt Fiona well they could never do any wrong. Never. Lisa, aka Lili, well even though she was just a friend oh she could take Rebecca any where and do anything. and was always the right person for the job. Now my self. again. nothing ever was right or good enough.

Now coming to the more present day. Its the same thing in a different manner, with different people who I continue to try with and continue to be friends "family" what ever with, and I , always feel hurt in the end.

So, even though I am hurt and want to cry, I come back to a famous Dr Seuss quote: Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

2 Corinthians 5:17-21
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Romans 6:18
You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.

1 John 5:18
We know that anyone born of God does not continue to sin; the one who was born of God keeps him safe, and the evil one cannot harm him.

1 Thessalonians 1:4-6
For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you, because our gospel came to you not simply with words, but also with power, with the Holy Spirit and with deep conviction. You know how we lived among you for your sake. You became imitators of us and of the Lord; in spite of severe suffering, you welcomed the message with the joy given by the Holy Spirit.

Colossians 3:12
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

1 Samuel 16:7
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

John 15:15
I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

Psalm 139:1-4
O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

And yes I have over loaded you all with biblical verses for a reason..............

The reason being. that even though I am hurt and saddened by the people of the world.

I know MY Father, MY God Has plans for me..... MY GOD LOVES ME FOR ME! I dont need friends or fake friends, I just Need MY GOD and MY Family.

And speaking of family.

Matthew 18:20 says

20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

So for anyone that would like to complain or say something about our not being in a church at the moment. here is my answer!!! there are 5 of us. My husband can lead && will Lead, and what is more amazing that surrounding your self in Gods creations of out side: the ocean, the trees, and everything he created in just a few moments!

anyways not exactly the blog i wanted to do bout moving, so...... we will get on that one sooner than later so you all can know what an amazing place we are in compared to the stagnate state we were at with where we came from.

Blessings and love!

Jessica the TWINspiring mom.

P.s. I hope this blog leaves you with a good taste in your mouth. One that lets you know its not where you come from but where you are going. One that lets you know Do what is your hearts desire and NO ONE else matters but God and your family. One that lets you know that YOUR happiness DOES NOT depend on OTHERS