Thursday, March 28, 2013

March.......... and all of its glory...

I realize at times that I just dont take enough time to think..... to remember.. or to be nostalgic.
March has Lots going on it in for me.. Not as much as Dec, Jan or FEB for sure.. but Lots of meaningful dates...
First and for most......... This is the month that my Mother and Father wed.. This is the Month that lead to me being me, being born, and having the life they provided me with. I miss my daddy!
Second, My Grandmother passed away on March 27th 2005....... IT was Easter Sunday that year... I stayed with her as long as I could and every Hour that I could. My "Ex" and I..... went to walmart to pick somethings up.... and I got a call. saying this was it she was Headed HOME.  Seems every holiday has some connection to a death..... My Father passed on an Ash Wednesday, My Grams On Easter, My Grandfather around Christmas time, my Other Grandmother's funeral was on St. Patrick's day. BUT.....
What has really come to my mind and bought tears to my eyes..... is What God has given me in this month.....
On 3-25-10 I received a friends request on facebook........
A request I was never expecting. A request I wouldn't of normally accepted! I thought about it and finally accepted it.... It was from Keith. (my husband now lol)
I knew him from high school, I knew him from when he lived with his friend Chris during out high school years and when i was staying with my friend who lived right there next to Chris.  He was the wear black, be a bad boy kind of guy....... I was far from wanting to date a bad boy!!!
BUT, I thought about all the time that had passed and that maybe we could be friends. I mean its just facebook, not like I would be stuck with him in my friends list if I didnt want to be. I could just as easily delete him as easily as I added him.. RIGHT?!?!?!
I thought back to December and being at the funeral of his mother........ and how I felt like he was just staring me down like he didn't want me there.... like who in the hades was I for showing up....
Then The request...... SO, I did accept.. Next thing i know... he was talking to me about going out on a date. I tried to put him off as long as I could.
I remember sitting in "director sheperd's" office..... a dear friend, Great boss, and wonderful influential woman who suggested... That I do a lunch date.... that way she knew where I was, When i was leaving and when I would be expected back.... trying to help protect me from this "WEIRDO"
SO I suggested that..... he accepted...  ( stopping and realizing that it makes me feel like I made the first move... haha) On March 30th 2010.. we met for a Lunch date, at Lee's where we now go to celebrate  every good thing that we have happen to us!!
Well, It went from a lunch date.. where he bought us a couples gym membership.. To Gym after work, and my cooking him dinner.. poni chicken! First mean i got to cook for him!!!
To him bringing my breakfast to my door in the morning..... Talk about a whirl wind romance!!!!
We both had been through, sadness, losses, heart breaks, trials and tribulations, But God brought us together.. knowing we would become stronger with him helping us and binding us together!
Both of our past marriages... Yes we both have been married before... me once, him twice... ended in bad ways. I like to call them our starter marriages.... they taught us what NOT to do.... how NOT to act...... and turned us into better people..... we know we don't like abuse, cheaters, liars, etc... We don't like fighting and screaming or confrontations....... we both do our best to avoid them. We work out our differences with talking instead of fighting screaming or hollering... Because of our past.. we have a future! Because of the road we went down.... our roads have joined and became one....... smooth yet bumpy at times. but its our Mahanay Lane =) its our road and we control how we respond to the bumps, dips and curves.....
Thanks to God, I have an amazing husband, Three beautiful boys..... and a life of love and happiness...... We rely on our selves..... we stand together strong and united on all grounds.. thanks to the "SOLID GROUND" that we built our lives and home upon.

Now, I cant lie.. I often wonder at times.... if ... we would of really met, really thought about dating in High School...... what would of come?? would we of hit it off? would be be married today? having and celebrating a marriage of say 10+ years? I guess that's the i wish we were a fairy tale...... but... Life is so much better than a fairy tale!!!
All I know... is that  Thanks to Keith........ for sending the friends request...... we are together today. It started as a whirl wind...... and it continues to be one........
From meeting, dating, getting divorces finalized, Conceiving twins, Getting married, celebrating birthdays, holidays and special occasions, to having Daniel........ 3 children, two pregnancies, in 2years and 4 months........ its been a wild and wonderful ride..........
I cant wait .... til we are Old.(getting there) and grey(thats already started too)  holding hands... on a porch swing.. watching grand kids..... great grands..... what ever. playing.. to be able to look back and see what all we have gone through by then..... what all we stuck together through......... To see How the boys turn out and what they grow up to be! To see what they look like then compared to now..... To continue to raise them, teach them, and instill values and morals....... Praying that they change the world! and then world doesn't change them!
I just know, I dont want to take a day for granted!! I dont want to miss a moment to tell Keith I love him, how much i adore him, how i appreciate what he does for our family and my self, What a wonderful man he is and how proud I am of him. What a great father he is....... I want to raise him up, every day that we are together... I might have failed several days, weeks, even months, in the time we have been together. But... I aspire to do better, and to continue to do better day by day and year by year.

Makes me stop and think about one of our all time fav movies..... fire proof!!! and these lines from that wonderful movie

lf l haven't told you...

...that you are a good man... are.

And if l haven't told you...

...that l've forgiven you...

...l have.

And if l haven't told you...

...that l love you...

...l do.

Something has changed in you,

And l want what happened to you
to happen to me.

lt can.

ls it too late to ask you
to grow old with me?

It's never to late to try!!! 
and I lovingly leave you all with those words!!
Jessica the eternal romantic.... 

Friday, March 8, 2013

moto board for sunnys

my  motivatinal board for sunny gals

pic below is to remind me of where i came from and where i will go back to!!!  plus a cute dress id like to be able to wear if i could haha
great quote dont limit your challenges challenge your limits

plus one from Shannon DEY  life a turtle's life stick your neck out!!!

to  look challenge in tghe eye and smile as i crush it

to smell the sweet smell of success
To play with my kids for real and not sit on the side lines
 BECAUSE DIETING SUCKS! but a life style change taste great!
to be eye candy for my husband!!

old pic of me plus a few work out options

shannon dey rocks!!! 

picture memory.....

Some Picture memories... and a special thanks to Tina Kendall who did these wonderful scrapp pages for my first 100+ lbs lost!!! some pics from 2008 and some from around 2010 more like en of 2009 though =) 
I have to say it was easier to lose the weight when kid free too! Props to moms who lose and keep it off for the long haul!!!

Now some face comparisons

 Pink shirt is pre weight loss. back around 2008 when my life change for the better
this re shirt is 100+ lbs gone... around 203 lbs here and in a 14

This is after the twins............ about 250's

 Pregnant with #3 Lil Daniel reason...  took 3x maternity to even kinda fit
about 3 months post Daniel... back into some of my pants prepregnancy but shirts i cant stand snug so larger shirts than i was in :/ 280's

And body shapes....... which is crazy

 Top stripe shirt pic is largest that i know of NON pregnant...
that was in 2007 dec.

Zebra shirt is me playing director =) size xl/14 after weight loss 203 lbs here....

 top pic pregnant with twins.. day before delivery...
this one is my reality pic form after twins... about 250...........

 top is pregant with #3.......... weighed in at 329 day before delivery!!!!!
this one to the left is current around 280 lbs....

Now....looking at sizes like this how could anyone be happy unless they were back t where they were comfortable. i guess if you have been fat your whole life and know nothing different maybe you can be comfortable.... but not me, i dont want to be the fat mom who sits on the side lines... i dont want to be the one worried if i sit down will a wooden or metal chair break or hold me..
just a lil make me stop and think blogs today sorry
peace out!

the truth and the whole truth......nothing but.....

So, Lets all get honest with our selves.
But  lets start with this... if you did not see my post on facebook.... then read this blog
escape from obesity

Now, hoping you read her 2010 blog titled,
Detachment and the Obesity Connection, you will get where I am going with this......

There is no way to be FAT and HAPPY!!! Hell even Dr. Phil will tell you that pretty much........... I've seen him say things in relation to that several times!!!
 So, why sit there behind your phone, behind your computer, on your couch as you watch TV ........... and say your happy? Ok, so you are, so you love your spouse or SO, So you love your kids  or your furbabies... ok........ i believe all that, I believe you can love your job, love your career, love your car, and church and many other things........but take a moment an get real with me............
Stand in front of a mirror............ Tell me what you think now???
I have good hair? I have good skin? I have a pretty face??? Ok........ and you most def could!
how do you feel about your over all appearance?? Do you honestly think you are beautiful or handsome? Do you actually like how your clothes fit? if you get dresse up to the nines.... do you feel beautiful? and then you look in the mirror what do you see an think then?? an if the mirror doesn't do it for you what about if i brought out a camera??? Would you let me take pics? would you be happy with them???

Ok, what if you stand naked in front of your mirror??? what do you see then?? happy with it??
cause Let me be the one that is honest...............
I love my life, I love being his wife, and love being my three beautiful sons mother, I love being my mothers daughter and love my self at times...yes I said it at times!!!
I love my church, I love my pretty much everything but me..........
I know I am HIPPO huge..........I hate it.. I dont hate how it came back on me because my three kids mean more to me than anything.,they were worth all the tears and pain and weight gain.............stupid bed rest LOL.
BUT, I dont like my weight........... weight is just a number....but my number is like 280's................
I dont like that. and Im not afraid to say it. IM FAT AND IM UNHAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I am taking a stand........ I have been but this week the crud got me and I am sick as can be....... why hide what everyone sees anyways??? why LIE? why not tell the truth and let it be heard?
Im not scared of what others think of me........ok, well thats a big ol lie....... I hate being unliked, i hate people being unhappy with me and I am the worlds worst at being a people pleaser!!!!!! and i have no clue why.
 but back to me haha
I cant stand the back fat, I cant stand the wobbly arms,the waddle under my chin........ i cant stan how my stomach is and my love handles are more like love couches..... you could get lost in those things.........
and I am not afraid to tell you this. You see it. So, why not be honest
And speaking of honest, I have been watching the biggest loser.........and you know what???
the Kid, she 16ish i think Sunny??? She has more of a grip on reality than most the people in my town that I live in.
She stated on one of the last BL, that to be honest and be there, dont sugar coat it. Dont hide the truth and the fat dont avoid it! ok some of her words and some of mine mixed i lol. so if you have a fat family member or friend or spouse why not just say hey....I AM WORRIED about your health?  YOU CAN NOT BE FAT AND HEALTHY!!!!!!!!!
now no  you ont have to be super model thin.........but be able to walk a few miles with out thinking you are gonna die!!! eat healthier realize YOU are making an IMPRESSION, an IMPACT on YOUR KIDS! YOU MIGHT BE WHAT YOU EAT BUT YOU TURN INTO WHAT YOU SEE TOO!!!  and what is more sad is that Kid Noah on there, he goes by a different name btw, but still he had never eaten a vegetable!!!!!! I blame the parents!!! there is no excuses for that.  my boys will chose a veggie or a fruit over most stuff!!! an I am so beyond proud of that and my husband Keif.......... has come around a hole heck of a lot since we have been together!
If you dont think you can change that fast. remember every addict takes it one day at a time when they are in recovery........
plus go check out and say I ,   JESSALOU   , sent you!!! =)
 but Im am on this journey at the moment to get back to me the me I was 3 years and 3 babies ago =) i started back to the gym... with no fears this time...but three years ago when  my husband bought us a couples gym membership on our first date....... I was in a full fledged panic attack when we went that night!!
but not any more........ I know even after being gone a whole pregnancy what I am comfortable with and what i can do right away with no issues.... but do me a small favor.....DO NOT just walk into there an sit on weight machines or exercise equipment and start a hen peck............... OMG sooo annoying! its a gym!!! not a social club if you want to do nothing go sit in a club and sip on come crap!!! haha
Ok so be real with your self.YOU ARE NOT YOUR SELF WHEN YOU ARE FAT!!!
if you cant keep with with your kids............ then whats the point???
Ok my bested buddy JENNJENN! WE ARE GONNA ROCK THIS JOINT!!! btw she inspires me! she pushes me..........and shes not even in my state!!!!
blessings to you all!

Jessica the determinated scale cruncher!!