Reasons Reasons Reason...... ;)

So, I know It has been quite a while since I have updated this blog.. It has been a whirl wind Romance with me and Daniel Reason.  Its been a while ride this whole time.
Last time that I updated on here it was 11-20-12.  it is now 1-15-13.........

                                                             Last Shot of me Carring Daniel Reason. 35 weeks

 I had two more appointments in Nacadogches  in the month of November.. Then I was called on Nov 30th,  and told I needed to rush down to Galveston So, we packed up and loaded up. Got my mom to come over. etc...... Got down there..... they checked me in did all the normal....... and still treated me kinda stupid. well come that sunday. I told em to kiss it and signed out AMA pissing off several people i know..... and guess what. I DONT CARE!  I had an appt on Tuesday. with Marlo, Had a level 2 ultra sound  ........ So we Drove home Sunday, Spent the day at home on Monday Loving on my Twinks, Then Tuesday morning Headed right back down to Galveston all packed up again....... knowing that If she said I had to stay....... I would totally just have to suck it up.  Got there.. Saw Marlo, She did want me to stay... i had more weight gain and more everything going on again... Oh and lets stop and think for a min..... The first time I went down to Gal I signed away my Fallopian tubes =) Then. On this Saturday I was there I signed again. and In between I signed em again... apparently they never could find the papers  That i signed saying i wanted to be cut stapled and burned. lets keep this in mind for a min.
So, She (Marlo)  told us that we should just take our time, Go get lunch, Come back for the Level two Ultrasound.... then Head straight to L&D to be admitted..........

Well we decided that since we were having my "last meal" that I wanted it to be good, I knew this time I would be staying in the hospital by my self, sending my dear husband home to be with the kids and waiting out til Daniel arrived...... SO, We went and ate Salt grass!! YUMMO! I ate steak med rare with bacon wrapped jalapeno stuffed bbq'd shrimp.  salad and parm-asiago cheese. I still remember that meal on 12-4- like it was yesterday!!!  So we went back for the level two........ got a great money shot of his um... member ;)



Found out they thought the lil chunker would weigh 10 lbs 1 oz......  they were totally shocked calculated that if he stayed in til what they said my due date would be .... he would weigh over 12 lbs.  What a shocker! for a chunk who still had 4 + weeks to bake!!!
left there walked back to the 7th floor trying to catch Marlo to see what she would say about the weight and his size... added to what all my complications were. but she was out of the office, so back down to the 3rd floor to get checked in......  got checked in, put into a stupid lil tiny room to get monitored, then shipped from l and d to the perinatal ish area to stay, they kept asking how i felt if anything was worse and it was so then next think i knew they said they would send in a dr and check on me..... when they did they decided they were going to go on and do a c-section.. so, 9 pm i was moved back to L&D to a delivery room to be set up and watched.  He wouldn't stay on the NST so I got to try a new thing..... called a Beacon........  it has sticky tabs that they put on your belly, its about 5 of those i believe its then runs to a lil thing that has lights and shows if it is connected or not and shows his heart beat which travels through the air waves over to the nst machine which has the stand like part plugged into it which make it read the one on me. super cool cause you do not have to lay in a certain position, or pray the baby stays....  no having to have all the pressure on you from the having to have the belts so tight on you... only odd thing was that to get a great connection.. they pretty much take sand paper to your skin haha felt really funny!
They put an iv in.... shoved in tons of different meds and things, that only took about 5 sticks. Then... i found out they did NOT have my signature on the fix me papers any where..... which means, i was too late........ has to be 72 hrs signed before you have a premature baby, and 3 months i believe before a full term..... Lets talk about aggravated, frustrated and the last person you wanted to see at that moment. I was VERY ugly!!! finally they decided that from the head man over the hospital ... that if I signed and wrote out that i under stood it all...... that i could go on and get it done I would be the EXCEPTION to the rules and regulations they have to stand by...... YAY ME! haha.
So we were told first around 5 am we would have a baby.................. then we were told around 7.... then around 8........... then finally we were told 9 am i would be taken back........... and I was!!! WOOHOO
I was more nervous and fearful giving birth to Daniel in the OR having a C-section... than i was when i was vaginally delivering Gabriel, and actually more than when i was rolled into the OR to be put under and give birth to Ezekiel.
Took forever to get things settled and me adjusted in there ........ and when I finally was, and Daddy got to come in........ this is what I saw........... the whole time they were slicing and dicing me....

He was such a champ! So loving so concerned about me. Constantly asking if I was ok, telling me I was doing good, rubbing on me and kissing on me trying to keep me calm... mean while the whole time I was just laying there trying to fight back the tears, trying to control my breathing .... and stay "together"...... and then the moment I heard him.......... was priceless.......
I didnt get to hear Ezekiel cause i was put under, Gabriel was soo quite when he cried cause he was so tiny.
But My Daniel Reason..... He let us know he was there.... A happy healthy  baby boy... Did i mention he was a chunk??

Meet

 Daniel Reason Mahanay

12-5-12

10:05AM

10 lbs 5 oz 

21"

Born at "36" weeks

Our newest member! Our Newest addition to our Pride and Joys....

While he and daddy were taken out of the OR to get him checked and all that good stuff. I was getting cut tied and burnt =) After 3 beautiful boys, I was ready for this moment. The moment knowing that I will not have to worry about leaving my boys behind because of a horrific traumatic 3rd complicated pregnancy.  Knowing that It will be our own version of My three sons =)

knowing that Unless GOD really really really wanted to keep proving doctors wrong....... and to keep letting me get pregnant......... that... I wont get pregnant again...... It was truly annoying how many drs and nurses questioned my sanity of having 3 sons and not trying  for the golden ticket and getting a daughter............... I just dont feel like i need a girl to feel complete..... to be happy. I was never supposed to even be pregnant anyways and now here  I am 3 beautiful boys......... that have stolen my heart....... 

So, Daddy got to bring Reason back in to me and i got to kiss him before he left to go to ISCU, (infant special care unit) 

Again I didnt get to hold one of my babies before they had to be rushed out. 

but really he was good..... nothing was that bad or that wrong. to be so "early" not that it was that early... but, he didnt have the issues we were all expecting. he only had the "diabetic" issues that are normal. 

here we have,  Mommy Holding Daniel for the first time, Mommy giving him his first bottle feeding that he did wonderful with.  and hes 1 day old in....

then Daniel in his Car seat for the car seat test that he passe with flying colors, 12-9

Daniel ready to go home in the following car seat pic with his sock monkey blanket, and then Our friend Melinda The nurse Karen(oh nurses names were a trip!! the ones that we heard the most were Karen and Ashley! TRIPS! family names of members that are angels over Daniel from Keith's side)   and then All my loves home and happy under one roof!!!

 

 


 

Been home and settling in for quite a while now....  Its taken 4 weeks home with Daniel for Gabe and Zeke to start warming up to him and realizing that not Daniel or mommy and daddy will be leaving... and to get back to our routine. Thank Goodness!
Our Reason at Christmas........ =)

 Well, let me admit on here.... I have been worried about the twins.... Not bad, but worried because they twin talk so much, I talked to our Pedi and we had ECI come out today......... I would just rather be ahead of a problem than to be lost and not on the ball. So, today she said they are doing great but she will be back out on next tuesday to do the evual. and  see where they are and where they stand on the talking becuse yes all the rest is above and beyond.
SO, I now have you caught up on me and my family and what has been going on. I will be back to blogging sooner than later more often. Im sure i bore Facebook with my pics and statuses. so I will be back here VERY VERY SOON!!!!
Also be sure to hope on over to Cooking blog Trying to get it all together and Run this house GREAT! I am a SUPER MOM WANNA BE!!!!!
So, This super mananabe ;) is signing off!
Love ya all thanks for the reads.... Gotta say Wish more of you had gmails so i could get more comments, heck any comments at all! =P
Jessica


p.s quick lil note: I will have an addition to this blog later... but it will be kinda of a mature and graphic nature. so its not posted with this part. and i will warn in the title of the next =) promise

Nov 12- Nov 20…………..

Well, Its been a while since I blogged and I know I promised last week that I would actually blog and actually add numbers to my phone….. I have failed you all! Really I have!!
So…………
Nac trip 1
Monday Nov 12th.. went to the clinic for normal nst testing……. Daniel refused to cooperate for the monitoring so we ended up heading to the hospital around noon…… then had to fight with them to get them to go faster …. apparently a.s.a.p. does not mean anything to them!! so starting at noon it was hell………….  had an ultra sound after being checked in them had to walk to L & D then was monitored there were the nurse just gave up and held the monitor on him for 20 mins………… was stuck there till almost 5 due to them delivering a baby ………. not mine but someone else's LOLOL……… then finally released and send home……..  Did find out that it meant I was not needed to come back on Thursday for monitoring after heading to Galveston on Wednesday…….. weight loss of 1.5 lbs…..(yay right?!?!?!)

Galveston…………………….
WE  woke and left around 5 am…… Not too bad.. thinking we would hit a ton of traffic…… well……. We missed it…. Yay! But…… we were also 3 hrs early!!!!!!! drove around bored for about 2 then decided we were going to go to our OBGYN appt early…..  which they took me back about 30 mins early……
got weighed in. another loss of about 1.5 lbs……(I was getting excited now!!!)
got vitals done then got moved from that room to another… they were gonna get him on the NST ……………so they thought…….. well My baby boy Daniel Reason has now been dubbed Ninja baby! =) he is so active!!! Which they LOVEEEEE but he does NOT want to cooperate on an NST for nothing!!! SO…… after idk how many mins they decided I was going to be rushed to the level 2 ultrasound earlier……. (appt was at 1130 for dr and 3 for u/s) this was bout noon now…… so many hr in drs office with them trying to get him to behave…… Oh and let me make you mamas jealous.. UTMB has a great habit of having “recliners” for you to take your NST in!! OMGGG sooooo comfortable!!!
SO, from 7th floor to 3rd floor we went(after sneaking in a quit bite of a sammy and some pork rinds…. I was a starving diabetic!!!!!!)  well Good news is……. There is NOTHING wrong or showing up with the ventricles in his brain!!!!!!! PRAISES BE TO GOD ALMIGHTY!!!!! I cried when she said that!!!!!!! NOTHING WRONG!!!  Shocker was…………. His estimated weight is 7 lbs 14 oz………. 8 freaking lbs!!!!! at 32 weeks 6 days!!!! Is this possible!!!! OMG!!!!!!!  
From there due to drs previous orders I was sent for monitoring at L&D……… soo……….. so back in the van drive around the building (it was so much easier than having to be wheeled…….) on elevator up to another floor and walk around the corner…… well we get there im put on nst…… he kind of behaves for them….. then its swab swab swab………….
swabbed for the stds……. swabbed for the normal swab at 36 weeks to see if I need the antibiotics( cant remember what the test is yall sorry!)  swabbed for UTI…..swabbed for a few more things too…… then checked my cervix…..  still high and closed and firm etc.. NO changes.  yay and boo. LOL!!!  so they tried to keep me… yeah right…… why did they want to ?? to monitor and control my sugars!! HELL NO!!!! I ended up signing out AMA cause that lil dr was STUPID……………. she said they wouldn’t touch Daniel or take him out util 39 weeks no matter what. yeah right!!!!!!!!!!!!  she thinks is my sugar causing all the issues.. YEAH RIGHT!!!!!!!!  anyways…. so AMA I signed and home I came again jiggity jig.
Friday……….
I know most of you know from statues that a niece of ours passed away Friday…….  well the was hit by a car…… she was walking very close to their house with a friend of hers…… Ash was only 12 years old…… a sweet angel!!! 1 of two of the most accepting people on that side of the family….. Darling angel will totally be missed….. but I believe all the “drama “ and “stresses” from this is what led to last night’s ER run….

So……. after much debating cause my head was splitting and eyes hurting etc.. I sent Keith to find a blood pressure cuff again….. a good friend said we should check and see… well I was 170’s/ 90’s the first time…. then I decided to try and lay down… it still steadily rose to about 182/110……….. Keith went to pick up ma, who came to stay with the boys a dear friend of his said we should  get me to a hospital and that they would give us gas money.. to get there and back… ( we were low on funds and very low on gas…. thanks to what seems like a battle to get unemployment….)
Well, we got the gas and we headed to nac. first BP there was 160’s over 90’s….. still not good…..  they went on and sent me up to L&D for monitoring….. oh and I also found out that….. I gained 9 freaking lbs since Wednesday!!!!!!!!!!!! *cries*
so L & d we went… Monitor monitor monitor…… yupp I should be so used to this….. they measured my fundus…. 53 weeks is what I am measuring now…. but that one stupid dr didn’t want to touch baby. HA! he’s gonna be coming on his own eventually you stupid heads !!!!  and the nurse last night looked shocked they didn’t start steroids…… so they did a bunch of swabs, cathed me after  a urine sample turned out having blood…. I do have a UTI now, started pills for that while there, my will you deliver prematurely with in two weeks came back negative……etc…..  so…… few contractions on the screen and when I get em they are good ones.. but not in a “order” so I should still be safe….  Daniel did wonderful for this nurse!!! I’m so sad she’s in nac and not on the island, which come to find out after all the chatting we did all night. she is from the island and use to work there =) she was amazing!! anyways… longer story short…… I'm technically supposed to just lay around on my side.. trying to keep bp down…… and do noting more… but they didn’t state bed rest…………… so back home again this morning….. well after noon……LOL. I'm so tired and exhausted and worn out………
OH and guess what? why you fools are all fighting over goods and electronics and stuff that the day before you were so grateful for all you had……… but Friday you need more……. I will be fighting too……… for black Friday NST and BBS(??) and I believe more blood work and stuff…… just all in a hospital……. I get to participate in a hospital black Friday Ain’t I fun!
Oh and speaking of labs………….. They did take about 7 vials of blood and ran a ton of labs….. seems everything is ok…… (as a separate) but as a whole its more worry some shows how im very high risk. =(   and I might be with in normal ranges of stuff but lots of it is so border line being either too high or too low…. it was very worry some…… like….. the PE symptoms…….. are more like HELLP symptoms like the one lady from FB said to look for!!!  cause ,my WBC count is def low….. well not low low but on the very low side of “normal” spectrum……… see wasn’t my nursey a blast last night??? she told me everything…… and its cause of her I got to stay and be watched. =))
So home now……… Go back to Hosp on Friday… then I believe back to clinic on Monday………. trying to remember to keep yall all updated…………… promise!!!
Love,
Jessica and Lil D

give away link……….

http://proverbs14verse1.blogspot.com/2012/10/celebrating-new-look-giveaway.html

Eenie-Meenie-Minie-Mo…..

 

When Will Daniel come and let me hold…. I guess we’ll never know ;)

This is what Kind of runs through my head on a daily basis  now…………. When will this child come!?!?!?!!  *SIGH!* I know No matter what any dr says.. He will be premature… I could almost bet on it…. And more so now because… Lets compare

31 weeks…………………………………… 32 weeks……………..
  

Look a little different???????????????  YEAH!!!!!!!!! I have dropped! !!!!! AND…. When I started dropping with the twins.. I had maybe  a week left in me…… When it was a drastic drop like this!!!!
SO……….. It’s the wait and see game for sure now!!!

Left this morning with Boys staying with their Gigi…….. and Keifer and I on our way to nac…… Arrived there on time… got looks of disapproval for not having the twin Spider monkeys with us……………
SO……… Did my urine, did my weigh in….. still about the same. guess its good I didn’t gain 7 lbs in like 2 days!!!!!!

went to the room to get monitored……

Was on the Nst for a while…. Love hearing his beautiful heart beat……. Gives me a lil sense of serenity……Then I met a midwife……… which has me at the conclusion……… I don’t like mid wifes!!!!!!!!!!  *crosses arms and pouts* If I heard one more time out of her mouth every pregnancy is different…… I was gonna give her an upper cut………….. and if it wasn’t that.. it was well Twins come early…… really? really? you think? would you actually like to talk to half the women I have “met” that have gone to 40 weeks and BEYOND with twins……..????????????? Yes it happens……MOREEEEEE than anyone would ever think…….. That just made me want to hit her with a frying pan………..
Then it was….. Well  its normal. you gain. really? WTF USB…… Its normal for a person to gain freaking 7 lbs in a week???? twice??? and a previous 10 lbs before that??? for a high risk clinic to not want to touch me and send me here where I feel I am getting no answers?!?!?!!  They better be Glad the WRATH OF MELIPET Didn’t come down on them like the “strong arm” (haha I hate those commercials)
I mean being huge is just what I wanted to achieve during my singleton pregnancy…… all the signs and symptoms of preeclampsia…  Yah know all the things I DIDN’T DO during my Multiple pregnancy!!!!  Are happening now! Im BIGGER AND FATTER AND WIDER AND MORE MOODY… I hurt more and ache more and cry more and want to punch people more……
I measure ahead just like I did with them…… But now…… Its worse… its more issues, more complications, more more more……. but Can I get a straight answer????? HELLS TO THE NO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry ya‘ll I’m beyond frustrated!!!!  I am at my limit!!!! Only thing is that Today I reached 32 weeks……… Today I am scheduled for Galveston to see the WOMAN behind the curtain……. Marlo…… Who will hopefully have answers or do something with Daniel and I!!!!! that is scheduled for 11:30 am……. Then if we make it out of there…  at 3 at the latest I have another level two ultra sound.. *sigh* I know my lil man needs to bake more…… I know this…… I have already had preemies……… I did not expect to have another……  Its not something I would even wish on my worst enemy!!!!! 

 

These are some of the things listed in this pic that are possible and that people go through…… and we went through our fair share just with Gabriel and Ezekiel………. Now, I wonder and ponder and worry, and fret and stress over what will come with Daniel………….

 

And all that plus some is running through my head……………
But all I keep thinking is I have a feeling if they would shut up and look at me and Daniel…. They would see its truly best for both of us if he was to arrive here sooner than later………. I really think My body is not doing good for him and hes not doing so great for my body at this point…….

Things are just not what they are supposed to be…… its just not right at the moment. SO, Praying hard they find and see what they need to Come Wednesday…… I’d be at 32w6d……. Literally 1 week 6 days shy of what I did make it to with the twins………
But we need answers…… WE need something that will help us move forward…… Not just be stuck and not know a single thing…… My sugars are still not good…… Its……. just not a good rollercoaster for his first ride =(
I’ll attempt to blog tomorrow about some Good things in my life….. and about a NEW bucket list I have created… 

Ya’ll all have a good night!
love,
Jessica and Daniel

Waiting for my Heaven on Earth…..

 

I was sitting here trying to think of witty titles….. and interesting quotes….. being that I don’t hold those cute things in my head……. Now my brother on the other hand…. he has always been able to come up with witty and “nonsensical” things… that will just always make you either stop and ponder or just stop and laugh at how funny or cute it is……. He would rock at things like jeopardy I'm sure! You give him a book and then its in his head….. never fails….

So I came up with this one……………

“The family is a haven in a heartless world.”
- Attributed to Christopher Lasch

 

This would be us…… (well the closest I could find HAHAHAHA)

So, I have been Storing up energy…… AS IF THAT’S POSSIBLE!!! Really I have been sleeping so much and so grateful for a Husband that has had time to step up and Take over so I can……. But yesterday Im sure you all know was a Doctors appointment day…………..

Got there a few mins late with Twins in hand also….. They rushed us back to the “big room” Accepting the twins with out a hesitation………..

Dr was very shocked…… in all honesty that I had not had Daniel…… She really felt in her heart also that they were going to take him. She was so apologetic for How things turned out when I was on the floor for them making me feel like I must be crazy………. She was shocked they did NOT want to do the steroid shots…… and pretty much still says…… it’s a week by week( or im thinking a Tuesday by Thursday) wait……  SO really its coming down to…….. Daniel Reason will come in is own time ……. (unless other wise stated) and she's pretty sure like me that we wont make it to December……….

My BP was still elevated……. Ive gained another 6+ lbs…… that must be fluids….. sugars are still not that great…… Its just a battle of My body vs Daniel……. and God protecting both of us…….. SO………..

Im Waiting On my heaven on earth to arrive…… to be able to hold him and love him and to bring him home when the Lord is ready for us to have him…… Im so anxious and ready and willing……. Some days I just don’t think my body can take much more…… the pain is becoming unbearable…… I know it’s the fluid in my body……… and the weight that is making it this way……… Sad to say I was more comfortable in the Twinks pregnancy….. than I am at the moment… Im also heavier and gaining more and more  than I was when I checked in to deliver Gabers and Zekers……  The stress of not knowing if we will make it another day……. Of not knowing if im gonna have to wake the boys, and head to a hospital in the middle of the night with the help of my adoring husband….  Of not knowing when or where or how or why…….. BTW if you cant tell………. I swear I am a  major control freak!!!!!!!!!!

Its adding stress to our marriage…….. We still talk and communicate but in all honestly since I'm blatantly honest in my blogs…. like I told the Dr yesterday……. WE are both to scared to even be intimate …..  Fearing that it could cause more problems….. and we have felt like this for months…..  I'm so puffy, NO matter how cute or sweet or loving or caring he is……. I feel like shamu’s older bigger sister…… Shamu ain’t got nothing on this whale!!!! Even when we do talk….. its still like we are trying to avoid some of our major feelings……. we both still fear me or Daniel or both of us NOT coming home….

We have come to the conclusion….. Unless we make it to Aunt Louise’s (really great aunt Louise’s) for Thanksgiving…… We will not be celebrating thanksgiving…….. We might get a tree up for Christmas…. but then again….. we might not….. The boys will Not have presents from us ……making us both feel like failures and lousy parents…….. But….. we are having to prepare for the worst…. worst being a funeral of any sorts……. next in line is tons of driving back and forth to the island when we can to see Baby D……..  and thinking of what all we might need for baby D when he arrives that medical ins might not cover or we might have to cover parts of…….. *sigh* It’s a never ending thing……….

Yes I know “the twins are young, They wont remember these holidays…….. Halloween wasn’t a biggie……. thanksgiving isn't a biggie…… they wont remember their Christmas’ they aren't even two” But in all honestly….. That’s not even the point…… The point is that I want my children to want for nothing and need nothing…… will they have everything they ever want.. HECK NO! I'm not a spoil the child person…… I want them to know the value of a dollar….. to understand money does not grow on trees. to grow up like I did Giving up holidays to actually give to others……….

I remember one day my mom and grandmother and father came home… our Blazer(or bronco I cant remember which) was loaded down with presents…. all wrapped for Christmas…… My brother and I came out side and they told us to Pick ONE present….. So we did….. I believe mine was a jewelry box…. one with that lil ballerina in it…… and I asked what were the rest for….. They told me we had 2 Full cooked Christmas dinners that mom made…….. and all these presents we were going to load up in the vehicle and go and deliver to families they were needy…….. I thought wow….. even as a kid I totally understood…….. I want that for our boys….. for them to understand….. but at the same rate……….. They are babies!!!! They have no clue….. SO if I am home …. I know in my heart I will be so sad and so upset for them not having a Christmas……….  Hopefully they can have all of us home at the least…. other wise…… I know I will be in total tears………

 

I know I'm such a chipper person……. I swear I'm a lot more up beat when I am not having to worry about every single thing that happens during a pregnancy of mine……. Oh and also found out today after talking to TONS of NICU parents….. that I should ask the dr about HELLP syndrome…….. and that I'm pretty sure part of the problem with Gabe and Zeke not just that it was twins like everyone wants to say but that it was PROM…. symptoms…… and  that actually leads more so to the problems I am currently having……

Oh and in order to make sure we are cutting back on ALL cost for the heck of it to make sure we have plenty “extra” for what may comes…  WE have let our Tmobile cell phones go…… And we as of now have ONE  Go phone (att)  that we will be using.. figure since I have a home phone… he can call if he is away…. and if we are traveling we will have the one line…. and if I am hospitalized he will still have a way to get ahold of me by calling the hospital room………….SO IF you my peeps need our number……. PM or something….. and we will get it to you…… its unlimited everything and a heck of a lot cheaper than a plan!!!!! Go us for getting smart for once!

Well, Im outta here for now….. Have dr’s appointment in the am at 930……….. and my Level two was rescheduled for Wednesday the 14th at 3 so that I can possible see dr marlo on the same day……. WOOHOO…… Aint my life just as exciting as a barrel of monkeys!!! =))

Love to you all and thanks always for what prayers you say for us!!!!

Good night my peeps!

Jessica and Daniel……….

Like a batter with his third strike……… He’s outta there!!!!

So……….. Since being back…….. I have had non stop contractions that just get harder and harder….. but NO I have not and will not go to a dang hospital…………….

Oh and I was losing parts of my mucus plug while in the hospital but they looked at me like I was crazy…..mmm k yeah I didn’t have a child naturally before with out having to have my water broken or my membranes stripped (not saying I'm better just stating the facts!!!)

SO, Now last night I was freaking big time It seemed no matter what I did I could not get him to talk and be chatty with me(ie bump kick hit flip) I did everything even ate real ice cream.. finally I got in the bath tub and he said HI MAMA!!!!!! =) lil stinker!  so things that have been freaking me out… I have no energy.. been sleeping as much as my dear honey would let me.so for three days all I have wanted to do, or all I have done is sleep…….. And its kind of scary….. I already am pretty sure I have dropped.. quite a bit…… today we were noticing it looks like he went from being transverse last Tuesday to being head down today……. I swear I have been feeling his lil hands down there trying to bust out and wave saying hi world!!!!!  Im prepared and totally unprepared……………

How do you prepare your self knowing your about to have 4 men(3 littles) in your house?!?!?! How do you really honestly prepare to have a new born and two toddlers!?!?!?!?! I can NOT wrap my mind around it……

 

                         

I tried having the swing and stuff out for the boys to get use to………………………  But really its just making them mad they cant touch and play with it!!!

ANd all I have been thinking is that One day I will walk out this door…. kissing three men….. and come back with 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and to think I thought that this was perfection!!!!!!!!!!

So…… In all honesty……. I have not been handling things well at all lately…. I'm so tired… so frustrated by not getting real answers from the drs down at UTMB (which I stand by is a great place) But I know I have preeclampsia!!!! but they just do not want to admit it!!! I have every sign and symptom of preterm labor……. but they think its crazy to have a singleton and have preterm. (have they met half the ppl in my nicu pages?!?!?! NO!!!!!!!!) Im so beyond worried, I know I need to be packing a bag right now for the unknown of what might come tomorrow at the drs appointment……. *sigh*  The twinks know something is up….. they have been so unruly so crazy and wild and crying and screaming.. Im so frustrated (yes this is a first I have ever said that so don’t faint!) but its because Im not supposed to carry them.. or pick them up….. I cant console them like I want to and feel like I should!!!!! Its making me feel crappy and worthless as their mother!!! especially when even standing and cooking or trying to do laundry or what ever is making me have contractions!!! I am honestly so dang depressed, all I want to do is cry but all that does is make me hurt more….. Im not sure how it can be that I physically hurt more with my singleton pregnancy that I did with my twins!!! Its Unbelievable!!!! for real!! I sit here trying to enjoy every moment he is in me knowing…… this is the last time I will ever be pregnant…… This is the last time I will feel like I am helping God really work a miracle…. Creating a lil life a lil man from whose image is mine and Keith's and Gods!!!!! I try to cherish every flip or kick or punch…… and I still just want to break down and cry every 5 mins cause something or everything or nothing is going right/wrong!!!!!  I know this baby boy needs to keep baking but Im not sure I can physically take it any longer or that my body can  I cry with every movement……. yet I am still so head strong I am still getting ticked off at keith for taking over and doing everything I cant……… I feel helpless and hopeless…… and as far as all else in our life……. its depressing as hell too……… I can not tell a lie

Hes looking at selling his truck…… which means a 1 vehicle family….. NOT COOL! not cool when I will have check ups Daniel will and we have dentist and drs appointments to catch up on with the twins….. and knowing he will have to find a job… I get that he is trying to provide for our family one way or another………

oh yeah ya’ll btw…. he’s been fired if I didn’t out right let that out……. and honestly I don’t think it has anything to do with is working and being a great worker…. but I think it had to do with me and a high risk pregnancy they they didn’t want to deal with at all!!!!

and if he did try to go find a job now….. how the heck would I get back and forth to Nac every Tuesday and Thursday knowing I'm not allowed to drive?!?!?!  and if we have one vehicle…. it’s the same predicament……. then its we will never be able to afford 2nd vehicle again…………. AND im mad!!I BOUGHT THIS TRUCK FOR HIM WITH HIM (its also in my name LOL) HE saw it wanted it and we made it happen…………. Can you tell im not a happy wifey about his want to be decision?!?!?!?!

and if he gets a job?!?!?! then what??? if its now…. he will not be able to be here when baby comes… or help me after……. since I have the option to birth either way but I am choosing the best way for me……. I wont be able to lift the boys……… UGH!!! still!!!!!

Ok I think im just gonna have to give all this a rest here at the moment. I know I need to get to bed for our 930 appt tomorrow morning……. love to you all…………..

Jessica and Daniel…

……… 31 weeks

Trusting in our Lord…..

Some times you learn something from the most unusual…….. or for us the most usual.. place ever.

We are a huge veggie tales family!!! I have adored them since my niece was in diapers!!!!

Anyways we received the incredible league of extraordinary vegetables………… and the verse it ends with is this……………………..

Psalm 56:3 being the part they emphasized…… 

When I am afraid I will trust in YOU…

And here we are…… Worrying…….. Keith is beside his self worried that he will not only lose Daniel Reason, but Lose me too…….. He opens up a lil at a time about it……. and Im glad but I wish there was something I my self could do to soothe his soul.  We have really been trying to cherish the moments we have together and with the twins….. which is hard… cause as any real family and real person will admit in the midst of adversity……… in the midst of the storm…. is when its hard to stand firm… to stand tall…….. There are so many moments I want to just throw my hands up in the air and scream “Serenity NOW” (from Seinfeld ;D )

So……………….

October 30th we had an appointment in Nacogdoches…… again to check on Daniel and I , Our Tuesday appointments were to see the dr and to get an NST done………. well….. I gained 8 lbs from Friday to Tuesday……  my blood pressure was up….. my urine was full of protein.. it ended up me on the NST waiting to hear back from a dr Marlo in Galveston…. who said we were to get down there asap and I was being admitted…………..

OHHH Joy…… so an hr drive home……. then pack.. then 5 hrs plus down to Galveston…… needless to say we hit traffic every direction we went!!! so we get there I get asked a million times why are you here…. well hello stupidos!!!!!!! you told me to come I didn’t request to come!!! finally was put in L&d from, about 6 til 3 am……. no food no water…. tons of contractions……  well at 3 am they gave me food wrong doses of meds… then sent me to the floor… so from 2nd floor (ER) to third floor L&D to 6th floor…..

well they started pushing IV’s and giving me meds started a 24 hr urine…… some how come Thursday morning they decided all blood work all urine etc was perfectly normal.. yet….. contractions still here…..  they finally let me go home …… we were back in Crockett around 515pm……… all I wanted to do was hold my babies and cry………. I hate I missed their Halloween……. hate hate hate……. no really I do……….lol.

I have been so emotional and so down and depressed for missing a holiday…. something that might not of been important to them. but it sure was me……. enough to over spend on the cutest Disney store costumes ever……. enough to have been so excited when they wanted to wear them the moment they came in and they did NOT want to take them off………..

anyways… So….. We made it to 31 weeks…… yay…….. and are at home…… still baking still contracting………. blog again later on another day……

 

J & D