I was sitting here trying to think of witty titles….. and interesting quotes….. being that I don’t hold those cute things in my head……. Now my brother on the other hand…. he has always been able to come up with witty and “nonsensical” things… that will just always make you either stop and ponder or just stop and laugh at how funny or cute it is……. He would rock at things like jeopardy I'm sure! You give him a book and then its in his head….. never fails….
So I came up with this one……………
“The family is a haven in a heartless world.”
- Attributed to Christopher Lasch
This would be us…… (well the closest I could find HAHAHAHA)
So, I have been Storing up energy…… AS IF THAT’S POSSIBLE!!! Really I have been sleeping so much and so grateful for a Husband that has had time to step up and Take over so I can……. But yesterday Im sure you all know was a Doctors appointment day…………..
Got there a few mins late with Twins in hand also….. They rushed us back to the “big room” Accepting the twins with out a hesitation………..
Dr was very shocked…… in all honesty that I had not had Daniel…… She really felt in her heart also that they were going to take him. She was so apologetic for How things turned out when I was on the floor for them making me feel like I must be crazy………. She was shocked they did NOT want to do the steroid shots…… and pretty much still says…… it’s a week by week( or im thinking a Tuesday by Thursday) wait…… SO really its coming down to…….. Daniel Reason will come in is own time ……. (unless other wise stated) and she's pretty sure like me that we wont make it to December……….
My BP was still elevated……. Ive gained another 6+ lbs…… that must be fluids….. sugars are still not that great…… Its just a battle of My body vs Daniel……. and God protecting both of us…….. SO………..
Im Waiting On my heaven on earth to arrive…… to be able to hold him and love him and to bring him home when the Lord is ready for us to have him…… Im so anxious and ready and willing……. Some days I just don’t think my body can take much more…… the pain is becoming unbearable…… I know it’s the fluid in my body……… and the weight that is making it this way……… Sad to say I was more comfortable in the Twinks pregnancy….. than I am at the moment… Im also heavier and gaining more and more than I was when I checked in to deliver Gabers and Zekers…… The stress of not knowing if we will make it another day……. Of not knowing if im gonna have to wake the boys, and head to a hospital in the middle of the night with the help of my adoring husband…. Of not knowing when or where or how or why…….. BTW if you cant tell………. I swear I am a major control freak!!!!!!!!!!
Its adding stress to our marriage…….. We still talk and communicate but in all honestly since I'm blatantly honest in my blogs…. like I told the Dr yesterday……. WE are both to scared to even be intimate ….. Fearing that it could cause more problems….. and we have felt like this for months….. I'm so puffy, NO matter how cute or sweet or loving or caring he is……. I feel like shamu’s older bigger sister…… Shamu ain’t got nothing on this whale!!!! Even when we do talk….. its still like we are trying to avoid some of our major feelings……. we both still fear me or Daniel or both of us NOT coming home….
We have come to the conclusion….. Unless we make it to Aunt Louise’s (really great aunt Louise’s) for Thanksgiving…… We will not be celebrating thanksgiving…….. We might get a tree up for Christmas…. but then again….. we might not….. The boys will Not have presents from us ……making us both feel like failures and lousy parents…….. But….. we are having to prepare for the worst…. worst being a funeral of any sorts……. next in line is tons of driving back and forth to the island when we can to see Baby D…….. and thinking of what all we might need for baby D when he arrives that medical ins might not cover or we might have to cover parts of…….. *sigh* It’s a never ending thing……….
Yes I know “the twins are young, They wont remember these holidays…….. Halloween wasn’t a biggie……. thanksgiving isn't a biggie…… they wont remember their Christmas’ they aren't even two” But in all honestly….. That’s not even the point…… The point is that I want my children to want for nothing and need nothing…… will they have everything they ever want.. HECK NO! I'm not a spoil the child person…… I want them to know the value of a dollar….. to understand money does not grow on trees. to grow up like I did Giving up holidays to actually give to others……….
I remember one day my mom and grandmother and father came home… our Blazer(or bronco I cant remember which) was loaded down with presents…. all wrapped for Christmas…… My brother and I came out side and they told us to Pick ONE present….. So we did….. I believe mine was a jewelry box…. one with that lil ballerina in it…… and I asked what were the rest for….. They told me we had 2 Full cooked Christmas dinners that mom made…….. and all these presents we were going to load up in the vehicle and go and deliver to families they were needy…….. I thought wow….. even as a kid I totally understood…….. I want that for our boys….. for them to understand….. but at the same rate……….. They are babies!!!! They have no clue….. SO if I am home …. I know in my heart I will be so sad and so upset for them not having a Christmas………. Hopefully they can have all of us home at the least…. other wise…… I know I will be in total tears………
I know I'm such a chipper person……. I swear I'm a lot more up beat when I am not having to worry about every single thing that happens during a pregnancy of mine……. Oh and also found out today after talking to TONS of NICU parents….. that I should ask the dr about HELLP syndrome…….. and that I'm pretty sure part of the problem with Gabe and Zeke not just that it was twins like everyone wants to say but that it was PROM…. symptoms…… and that actually leads more so to the problems I am currently having……
Oh and in order to make sure we are cutting back on ALL cost for the heck of it to make sure we have plenty “extra” for what may comes… WE have let our Tmobile cell phones go…… And we as of now have ONE Go phone (att) that we will be using.. figure since I have a home phone… he can call if he is away…. and if we are traveling we will have the one line…. and if I am hospitalized he will still have a way to get ahold of me by calling the hospital room………….SO IF you my peeps need our number……. PM or something….. and we will get it to you…… its unlimited everything and a heck of a lot cheaper than a plan!!!!! Go us for getting smart for once!
Well, Im outta here for now….. Have dr’s appointment in the am at 930……….. and my Level two was rescheduled for Wednesday the 14th at 3 so that I can possible see dr marlo on the same day……. WOOHOO…… Aint my life just as exciting as a barrel of monkeys!!! =))
Love to you all and thanks always for what prayers you say for us!!!!
Good night my peeps!
Jessica and Daniel……….
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