Lessons from the playground: Biting tongues,lying & gossiping

So, This week I have I keep thinking about biting our tongues, Only saying nice things, Lying, and treating others as you want to be treated. And, Most of this came from a trip to our Local Sonic playground with our boys.
I was raised and taught the following:
Watch my words, 'Cause words can harm.
Speak with kindness
Think before I speak
Treat others as you would like to be treated
Lying- disrespectful & comes back to haunt you
and...........
Gossip isn't nice!

Truly, these are very simple ways of thinking and being raised. Honestly it should not be that hard ..........................Right?!?!?!?

But now days this seems so far from what so many do.
Lie about how we are doing, lie about what is happening, lie about our plans, Lie to our bosses to get out of work, lie to friends to get out of doing things, lie to pretty much everyone about everything.
I truly do not understand why Lying has become such the norm?
I try my very best to tell the truth in what ever I say,
There might be moments that I will not saying things to not hurt others, but I wouldn't lie.

Ok, so here is my story from tonight's Sonic trip.
So, We decided that it was time whether or not I was sick (and man I am really trying to get over it so bad!)
to get the kids out of the house, get rid of the cabin fever and do something.
So, Friday sonic play night. Sadly, its the only place we have in town that truly has a play ground, a real out side, in the sun, in the heat, play ground. And the kids were having a blast! (go Figure my baby b who hates sand at the beach is fine with sand at a play ground! UGH!)
Well, we get there and a few others are there, no biggie, its not like there are big kids so I was all okay!  the kids run and play we order the food, lil Reason is sitting in a bumbo just a cooing at daddy, and I'm running wild with the twinks. We are all having fun! And next thing I know........Here comes a woman, with 2 kids, one is around 1-2 years old and the other looks to be about 6 ish........... well she knows another couple at the play ground. NO Biggie again! right? WRONG, So as we are trying to just enjoy this time, she is all blabbing to the people about her life, her lil one with her is not hers but shes stuck raising him, shes enjoying it but made her realize she missed so much of her own kids lives, the other couple is talking about the 2 yr old they have with them is a great gran, and blah blah. and all the TMI is going on and on and on.
So, lets pause for a moment,
when I am out and about, I try not to talk in public about personal matters, I am not going to be on a cell or talking in person about things that others are not needing to know............. BIG PET PEEVE of mine.....
So This was already putting a small damper on our evening out..........
Well, as shes running down all the family problems, she mentions the older kid is A.D.D blah blah, and a bunch more, well........ I'm watching my kids, Well, isn't that what a parent should be doing? I mean Yes I might be a lil over board being that there isn't a gate to keep them corralled in the place and the play ground is rather high, and the fence around it with my luck the boys could squish through if they really wanted to............ So, I'm watching, and I see her kid just throwing sand all over my babies. She........ is still talking....... not watching and when she does see him , she sits there and hollers hey, quit throwing sand, (mean while that's not when he is doing it to my kids) Hubby is feeding lil Reason....... so, we are trying to hurry up, we had already been there a while and well, we knew the kids were not going to eat as long as they knew they could be playing, even with all the falls, cuts, scraps, bleeding and what not's they had been having and doing. So it continues and continues with her kid, and shes still not doing a thing and not watching, why? cause shes more into talking about her her family, her sister, her daughter, blah blah...........
So, Finally We get the kids and try to start packing it up, well now I'm cleaning the kids, and trying to get sand out of their ears, eyes, faces, mouths, hair, shirts, every small crevice it could be in from the child throwing it on them....... And out of no where, here comes one of the most annoying questions from her! OH all boys, so are you going to keep trying for a girl. THANK GOODNESS My husband answered! Nope, we are done. and shes all well that's a shame.
So, Question, Why do people think it is there business to say oh I bet your done, or Are you going to keep trying, or wow what a group or what ever?!?! Where is it a strangers business, or even family or a friends business to ask these kinds of questions?!?!
Any who, So, this is where I have so many issues.
Why do parents not watch their kids closer?
Why do parents think that screaming from the sidelines will discipline or change the manner a kid behaves?
And when did parents really become so lazy, as to not want to be active in a child's life?
I am not one to want to sit on the side lines, Not if it comes to anything.
Why not want to be active in a child's life? if its correcting bad behaviors? or praising them ? or even if its literally running right beside them? When did we as parents truly decide to NOT be an active figure in our  babies lives?
I am a believer in the spare the rod spoil the child, meaning if you do not discipline, they will just pretty much run wild.
And the lying. Well, I have had several conversations lately with friends and "family" making me wonder why and when did lying become the thing to do?  People do not like being lied to. it offends us, hurts us and really can kill any relationship you have with someone. It ruins friend ships, and ruins trust and bonds that should not be broken in families too!
And since we are on the subject of lying, what is the point in talking to me, and saying stuff and acting like you like me or my husband, just to turn around and say, hey, oh my her husband is so stupid and so this and so that??? whether or not you are family or a friend, that is so two faced! I'm sick of it. and it has permanently ruined some relationships I have.
People are missing out on My children's lives due to lying, back stabbing, sabotaging, being blinded and of course being two faced.
Nothing that is wrong with you mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually or in any form or fashion makes this acceptable to me!!!
My Children are my world. What I do, what others do or say, will make the difference in them.  And, I refuse to let anything BAD be in their lives.
Irony, to me is that They know, Kids know if you are real or fake....... they feel it, its instinct when they are little. And when I stop and think about we can drive any where and see anyone and they are fine but when we head towards certain people when we did go to see them..... every single time, they would act out on the way there and get physically ill! That should of been a sign to begin with! let alone when they usually didn't want to kiss hug or say bye or even welcome them into the place we were.
I know my subjects are just running into each other, and nothing is making sense really, but.............. this is the thing...............
God knows, God sees, and God hears.
No, he isnt' Santa LOL, but its true.
So, Instead of being rude and hateful tonight at the play ground............ We just packed up and left. it was best for everyone in my opinion. And I tend to do this lots.
In stead of lying, Speak the truth! Try it, It wont hurt I promise
And............. now, I challenge you to get out and do something with your kids/family/husband today. even if its just walking down the street holding hands. Show your family you love them! That they matter, Put the phone away for a few hours. and concentrate on your loved ones. DONT miss out on time with them. Today is a gift, use it wisely for tomorrow is NOT promised! Dont take your family for granted!!!
Sorry for the rants and ramblings of a sick and sleep deprived mommy!

Jessica

To compare or not to compare......... this should not be a question.

I am so unsure of why women are like this!!
Is there anything we do not compare?

We compare,

boyfriends,

grades,

clothes,

shoes,

jewelry,

hair: styles, colors, looks, cuts, etc.,

make up,

we compare weight, bust sizes, measurements,

WE compare;

Husbands,

Jobs,

Husbands jobs,

our accomplishments,

husbands accomplishments,

cars,

houses,

how we cook, who we like that cooks, kitchens,

we compare;

Life skills, how we raise our children, the milestones our children hit, when they hit them how much hair, how big, how tall, weights, accomplishments, awards, grades, etc.


And really I can not say that MEN do this as bad as women do.

And yes I am sure I miss a lot of things that we compare, but I am here to say I hate this!

I am sick and tired of feeling JUDGED.

I am sick and tired of feeling COMPARED TO OTHERS! or feeling MY CHILDREN are compared.

This is what I think.............

1. if it works for you. then keep at it, and if it doesnt, then change it.

IE.

breastfeeding vs formula feeding, cosleeping vs cribs, cloth diapers vs disposables, organic vs non organic, home made vs store bought, spanking vs non spankers,

I dont care what you do or how you do it, as long as you and your kids are happy that is all that matters.

but let me put it out there.................


MY kids were preemies, and I had no choice in the matter per say.

MY kids are formula fed,

MY KIDS sleep on their own,

MY KIDS are on bottles/sippys

MY kids have had organic, non organic, sugar(very little) and lots of sugar free, MY KIDS like sweet n low........... MY Kids love milk, non organic kind, MY kids eat every thing in sight, MY kids had peanut butter before the age of 1, MY Kids do not like sodas, MY kids wear disposable diapers, MY kids are my kids...... get it? I will spank, I will swat hands, I teach about GOD too!

MY kids walked, crawled, and hit all mile stones in due time. for them.................. MY kids are also all boys! boys usually are slower than girls.......

MY twins got teeth at 5 & 11 weeks actual age......... which means, they were actually 39weeks gestaton and 5 weeks corrected....... (remember people they were preemies)

Daniel has 1 tooth and 1 with a point through right now at 7 months, that just goes to show we . are all different.

I am so sick of hearing well so and so's lil girl is blah blah blah, WHO CARES!!!!!!!! 1. A singleton is NOTHING like MULTIPLES!! Trust me I KNOW! also, just an FYI taking care of one baby is such a breeze compared to multiples! I don't get why so many moms complain! (but then again all kids are different!)

MY KIDS went through hell when I was pregnant with their baby brother, HELL and back per say, they were bashed, by some "family" for being they way they are but get this, I am a stay at home mom. I enjoy it, and I wouldn't change it for the world, They are (were) use to be being here when they woke, when they ate, when they napped, when they went to bed, when they played, when they needed diaper changes, I was always here. My husband made the choices he felt was right, and If you were him who knows what choices you would of made!!!
So, every hospital stay I had, he went with, why? well being its really none of anyone's business I'm letting it out, WHY is because he was afraid of leaving me and his unborn child, WHY is because he was afraid of LOSING His wife and or his baby! WHY is because WE knew that the family and the REAL FRIENDS we had that offered to watch them.......... were totally capable of taking care of the twins, if you sit down and think about the trips we made, how often it was, how far it was and how rough it was YOU probably would of made the same choices!!!! It would make no sense to drop me off and have to turn right back around!!! WE chose the people that watched them wisely, WE knew they could handle it, WE knew they were stable, WE knew they wouldn't lose it with them. I my self and VERY VERY picky over who watches MY KIDS. They are MY kids, that GOD him self bestowed upon me to guide, guard and protect, to raise in the manner that I saw fit. I am a VERY loving person, and I am very trusting but when it comes to MY kids, I choose what I think is best.


Now, back to the comparisons........... that majorly IRK me! I hate yes I used the word hate, I hate when someones's baby is 19 days older or younger, or a month older or younger, or even years older and younger, and YOU feel the need to compare. I don't care if its your kid, your niece, your grand baby or what ever, DO NOT feel the need to compare kids to mine. Technically now days 37 weeks is practically full term, so you don't have a need to do adjusting for prematurity, and there are different levels of being premature. I typically do not adjust the twins or Daniel unless I see fit. And yes Most are caught up by age 2, but again, twins are a different subject all together, everything can make a difference in when milestones are hit, G&Z were above and beyond their levels until I was pregnant and we went through the traumas we did during that time, and YES it made them take steps backwards and turn their twin bond into something even stronger than it was before.

and Yes Daniel was premature too! Even though he was a big baby and over all very healthy he was still premature. I am tired of watching and listening to others and feeling like I should feel guilty that he is not at mile stones that others babies are at. and I have come to the conclusion that I shouldn't! People should take into consideration when they are being inconsiderate! Daniel is still VERY big for his age! not many 7 month, 6 month adjusted babies are in 12 & 18 month clothes, he is strong and is also very chunky appx. 25 lbs right now. so between size and prematurity yes... his mile stones will be different, just like the twins are. does this mean they are stupid or less than since they are not where YOUR kids are? HELLO!!!!!! NO! it doesnt! It means that you should stop and take a moment and think............. NOT everyone is where they should be in life at any age!


And just so you realize this let me show you famous premature babies,


Pablo Picasso

Thomas HardyFranklin RooseveltJohn KeatsMark TwainNapoleon BonaparteRenoirSir Winston ChurchillJohann GoetheStevie WonderD H LawrenceThomas HobbesVictor HugoVoltaireJean-Jacques RousseauAnna PavlovaCarol and Mark ThatcherIssac NewtonCharles DarwinAlbert Einstein

Tiki and Ronde Barber

Stevie Wonder

Joe Jonas

Michael J. Fox

Shaq









and just to be even more informative....



The following people have been diagnosed as being somewhere on the autistic spectrum but the specific classification is unknown.

Daryl Hannah,

Christopher Knowles,

Matthew Laborteaux,

Katherine McCarron,

Jason McElwain,

Michael Moon,

Jasmine O'Neill,

Sue Rubin,

Birger Sellin,

Robert Gagno,


Famous people with

Asperger syndrome

Dan Aykroyd,

Richard Borcherds,

William Cottrell,

Craig Nicholls

Gary Numan,

Dawn Prince-Hughes,

Judy Singer,

Vernon L. Smith,

Satoshi Tajiri,

Daniel Tammet,

Liane Holliday Willey,


People with high-functioning autism

Michelle Dawson,

Temple Grandin,

Hikari Oe,

Bhumi Jensen,

Dylan Scott Pierce,

Donna Williams,

Stephen Wiltshire,

Axel Brauns,

Famous autistic savants

Alonzo Clemons,

Tony DeBlois,

Leslie Lemke,

Jonathan Lerman, ]

Thristan Mendoza

Jerry Newport

Derek Paravicini,

James Henry Pullen,

Matt Savage,

Henriett Seth-F.,








People with severe autism
Tito Mukhopadhyay,






















Famous people with Downs Syndrome





Chris Burke
Jane Cameron
Sujeet Desai
Michael Johnson

Bernadette Resha



















So for those that want to judge..... or think you are special for having a baby that isnt premature or doesnt have issues, or is right on q with every lil milestone.......... stop and think about this! Some of the greatest were not PERFECT to the world but Perfect to their familes! or perfect for them! NO ONE PERSON IS TOTALLY PERFECT, but, anyone can be a somebody! and all should be important! Ok off my soap box for the day now.


TTFN


Mother of multiples plus one,


Mother of Preemies,


Mother of babies that hit mile stones later,


ME!

Vacationitis

Well, As most my friends know We took the kids down for doctor's appointments in Galveston and League City.
Daniel's appointment was fast and easy! 7th floor  and by the time we sat down to feed, we were called back to the offices. all they did was put the lil ear phones in, holding it on easier with this retro looking wanna be 80's head band and read his ears.  Only problem is my lil Reason is a major talker. took a lil longer than i guess it should cause of course you have to have silence while doing these test. but still only about 15 mins and we were done and outta there.
From there we were supposed to go on and head out to San Luis Pass, drop off Frank the wonder pug, and eat a bite and head over to LC.  Well, Of course that did not happen as planned, by the time we got picked up, Reason and I, by Keith and  the twins, well....... we didnt have the extra alloted time for all of that. So, we headed straight to League City.
When we arrived we had a lil over an hour to kill so Keith drove us around and around and around. Best thing I could tell was, Their school district's are awesome down there! I was telling Keith if we ever move it really does have to be to a place like LC because of the schools, and the play grounds and how appealing it is in the area. PLUS! The Stripes gas station! WOW! freaking awesome!!!!  If we would of put gas on a card of theirs we would of gotten it for 3.11!!!! Sad thing is that You can NOT see this station from the freeway and its a bit down the rd at the #22 exit. but it was a gem to find and know about!
Well, Over all the appointments went well. Gabe has to have a 2 person hearing test because he still does not want to cooperate with having things in his ears and stuff like that and I can not blame him.
and with Ezekiel  well, they want him on some nose spray because they think he might have fluid but that it would be more allergy related than not. Dr. Pine is amazing, he him self has twins and understands more than the average bear. and does not want to just jump and say lets do tubes like so many around here want to! short and sweet on this lil update. Will talk more about the kids and san Luis Pass later on.

March.......... and all of its glory...

I realize at times that I just dont take enough time to think..... to remember.. or to be nostalgic.
March has Lots going on it in for me.. Not as much as Dec, Jan or FEB for sure.. but Lots of meaningful dates...
First and for most......... This is the month that my Mother and Father wed.. This is the Month that lead to me being me, being born, and having the life they provided me with. I miss my daddy!
Second, My Grandmother passed away on March 27th 2005....... IT was Easter Sunday that year... I stayed with her as long as I could and every Hour that I could. My "Ex" and I..... went to walmart to pick somethings up.... and I got a call. saying this was it she was Headed HOME.  Seems every holiday has some connection to a death..... My Father passed on an Ash Wednesday, My Grams On Easter, My Grandfather around Christmas time, my Other Grandmother's funeral was on St. Patrick's day. BUT.....
What has really come to my mind and bought tears to my eyes..... is What God has given me in this month.....
On 3-25-10 I received a friends request on facebook........
A request I was never expecting. A request I wouldn't of normally accepted! I thought about it and finally accepted it.... It was from Keith. (my husband now lol)
I knew him from high school, I knew him from when he lived with his friend Chris during out high school years and when i was staying with my friend who lived right there next to Chris.  He was the wear black, be a bad boy kind of guy....... I was far from wanting to date a bad boy!!!
BUT, I thought about all the time that had passed and that maybe we could be friends. I mean its just facebook, not like I would be stuck with him in my friends list if I didnt want to be. I could just as easily delete him as easily as I added him.. RIGHT?!?!?!
I thought back to December and being at the funeral of his mother........ and how I felt like he was just staring me down like he didn't want me there.... like who in the hades was I for showing up....
Then The request...... SO, I did accept.. Next thing i know... he was talking to me about going out on a date. I tried to put him off as long as I could.
I remember sitting in "director sheperd's" office..... a dear friend, Great boss, and wonderful influential woman who suggested... That I do a lunch date.... that way she knew where I was, When i was leaving and when I would be expected back.... trying to help protect me from this "WEIRDO"
SO I suggested that..... he accepted...  ( stopping and realizing that it makes me feel like I made the first move... haha) On March 30th 2010.. we met for a Lunch date, at Lee's where we now go to celebrate  every good thing that we have happen to us!!
Well, It went from a lunch date.. where he bought us a couples gym membership.. To Gym after work, and my cooking him dinner.. poni chicken! First mean i got to cook for him!!!
To him bringing my breakfast to my door in the morning..... Talk about a whirl wind romance!!!!
We both had been through, sadness, losses, heart breaks, trials and tribulations, But God brought us together.. knowing we would become stronger with him helping us and binding us together!
Both of our past marriages... Yes we both have been married before... me once, him twice... ended in bad ways. I like to call them our starter marriages.... they taught us what NOT to do.... how NOT to act...... and turned us into better people..... we know we don't like abuse, cheaters, liars, etc... We don't like fighting and screaming or confrontations....... we both do our best to avoid them. We work out our differences with talking instead of fighting screaming or hollering... Because of our past.. we have a future! Because of the road we went down.... our roads have joined and became one....... smooth yet bumpy at times. but its our Mahanay Lane =) its our road and we control how we respond to the bumps, dips and curves.....
Thanks to God, I have an amazing husband, Three beautiful boys..... and a life of love and happiness...... We rely on our selves..... we stand together strong and united on all grounds.. thanks to the "SOLID GROUND" that we built our lives and home upon.

Now, I cant lie.. I often wonder at times.... if ... we would of really met, really thought about dating in High School...... what would of come?? would we of hit it off? would be be married today? having and celebrating a marriage of say 10+ years? I guess that's the i wish we were a fairy tale...... but... Life is so much better than a fairy tale!!!
All I know... is that  Thanks to Keith........ for sending the friends request...... we are together today. It started as a whirl wind...... and it continues to be one........
From meeting, dating, getting divorces finalized, Conceiving twins, Getting married, celebrating birthdays, holidays and special occasions, to having Daniel........ 3 children, two pregnancies, in 2years and 4 months........ its been a wild and wonderful ride..........
I cant wait .... til we are Old.(getting there) and grey(thats already started too)  holding hands... on a porch swing.. watching grand kids..... great grands..... what ever. playing.. to be able to look back and see what all we have gone through by then..... what all we stuck together through......... To see How the boys turn out and what they grow up to be! To see what they look like then compared to now..... To continue to raise them, teach them, and instill values and morals....... Praying that they change the world! and then world doesn't change them!
I just know, I dont want to take a day for granted!! I dont want to miss a moment to tell Keith I love him, how much i adore him, how i appreciate what he does for our family and my self, What a wonderful man he is and how proud I am of him. What a great father he is....... I want to raise him up, every day that we are together... I might have failed several days, weeks, even months, in the time we have been together. But... I aspire to do better, and to continue to do better day by day and year by year.


Makes me stop and think about one of our all time fav movies..... fire proof!!! and these lines from that wonderful movie

lf l haven't told you...

  
...that you are a good man...

  
...you are.

  
And if l haven't told you...

  
...that l've forgiven you...

  
...l have.

  
And if l haven't told you...

  
...that l love you...

  
...l do.

  
Something has changed in you,
Caleb.

  
And l want what happened to you
to happen to me.

  
lt can.

  
ls it too late to ask you
to grow old with me?

It's never to late to try!!! 
and I lovingly leave you all with those words!!
Blessings, 
Jessica the eternal romantic.... 

moto board for sunnys

my  motivatinal board for sunny gals

pic below is to remind me of where i came from and where i will go back to!!!  plus a cute dress id like to be able to wear if i could haha

great quote dont limit your challenges challenge your limits

plus one from Shannon DEY  life a turtle's life stick your neck out!!!

to  look challenge in tghe eye and smile as i crush it

to smell the sweet smell of success
To play with my kids for real and not sit on the side lines
 BECAUSE DIETING SUCKS! but a life style change taste great!
to be eye candy for my husband!!

old pic of me plus a few work out options

shannon dey rocks!!! 

picture memory.....

Some Picture memories... and a special thanks to Tina Kendall who did these wonderful scrapp pages for my first 100+ lbs lost!!! some pics from 2008 and some from around 2010 more like en of 2009 though =) 

I have to say it was easier to lose the weight when kid free too! Props to moms who lose and keep it off for the long haul!!!

 

Now some face comparisons

 

 Pink shirt is pre weight loss. back around 2008 when my life change for the better
this re shirt is 100+ lbs gone... around 203 lbs here and in a 14









This is after the twins............ about 250's

 Pregnant with #3 Lil Daniel reason...  took 3x maternity to even kinda fit

about 3 months post Daniel... back into some of my pants prepregnancy but shirts i cant stand snug so larger shirts than i was in :/ 280's










And body shapes....... which is crazy

 Top stripe shirt pic is largest that i know of NON pregnant...
that was in 2007 dec.

Zebra shirt is me playing director =) size xl/14 after weight loss 203 lbs here....

 top pic pregnant with twins.. day before delivery...
this one is my reality pic form after twins... about 250...........

 top is pregant with #3.......... weighed in at 329 day before delivery!!!!!
this one to the left is current around 280 lbs....

















Now....looking at sizes like this how could anyone be happy unless they were back t where they were comfortable. i guess if you have been fat your whole life and know nothing different maybe you can be comfortable.... but not me, i dont want to be the fat mom who sits on the side lines... i dont want to be the one worried if i sit down will a wooden or metal chair break or hold me..
just a lil make me stop and think blogs today sorry
peace out!
jessica

the truth and the whole truth......nothing but.....

So, Lets all get honest with our selves.
But  lets start with this... if you did not see my post on facebook.... then read this blog
escape from obesity


Now, hoping you read her 2010 blog titled,
Detachment and the Obesity Connection, you will get where I am going with this......

There is no way to be FAT and HAPPY!!! Hell even Dr. Phil will tell you that pretty much........... I've seen him say things in relation to that several times!!!
 So, why sit there behind your phone, behind your computer, on your couch as you watch TV ........... and say your happy? Ok, so you are, so you love your spouse or SO, So you love your kids  or your furbabies... ok........ i believe all that, I believe you can love your job, love your career, love your car, and church and many other things........but take a moment an get real with me............
Stand in front of a mirror............ Tell me what you think now???
I have good hair? I have good skin? I have a pretty face??? Ok........ and you most def could!
how do you feel about your over all appearance?? Do you honestly think you are beautiful or handsome? Do you actually like how your clothes fit? if you get dresse up to the nines.... do you feel beautiful? and then you look in the mirror what do you see an think then?? an if the mirror doesn't do it for you what about if i brought out a camera??? Would you let me take pics? would you be happy with them???

Ok, what if you stand naked in front of your mirror??? what do you see then?? happy with it??
cause Let me be the one that is honest...............
I love my life, I love being his wife, and love being my three beautiful sons mother, I love being my mothers daughter and love my self at times...yes I said it at times!!!
I love my church, I love my pretty much everything but me..........
I know I am HIPPO huge..........I hate it.. I dont hate how it came back on me because my three kids mean more to me than anything.,they were worth all the tears and pain and weight gain.............stupid bed rest LOL.
BUT, I dont like my weight........... weight is just a number....but my number is like 280's................
I dont like that. and Im not afraid to say it. IM FAT AND IM UNHAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I am taking a stand........ I have been but this week the crud got me and I am sick as can be....... why hide what everyone sees anyways??? why LIE? why not tell the truth and let it be heard?
Im not scared of what others think of me........ok, well thats a big ol lie....... I hate being unliked, i hate people being unhappy with me and I am the worlds worst at being a people pleaser!!!!!! and i have no clue why.
 but back to me haha
I cant stand the back fat, I cant stand the wobbly arms,the waddle under my chin........ i cant stan how my stomach is and my love handles are more like love couches..... you could get lost in those things.........
and I am not afraid to tell you this. You see it. So, why not be honest
And speaking of honest, I have been watching the biggest loser.........and you know what???
the Kid, she 16ish i think Sunny??? She has more of a grip on reality than most the people in my town that I live in.
She stated on one of the last BL, that to be honest and be there, dont sugar coat it. Dont hide the truth and the fat dont avoid it! ok some of her words and some of mine mixed i lol. so if you have a fat family member or friend or spouse why not just say hey....I AM WORRIED about your health?  YOU CAN NOT BE FAT AND HEALTHY!!!!!!!!!
now no  you ont have to be super model thin.........but be able to walk a few miles with out thinking you are gonna die!!! eat healthier realize YOU are making an IMPRESSION, an IMPACT on YOUR KIDS! YOU MIGHT BE WHAT YOU EAT BUT YOU TURN INTO WHAT YOU SEE TOO!!!  and what is more sad is that Kid Noah on there, he goes by a different name btw, but still he had never eaten a vegetable!!!!!! I blame the parents!!! there is no excuses for that.  my boys will chose a veggie or a fruit over most stuff!!! an I am so beyond proud of that and my husband Keif.......... has come around a hole heck of a lot since we have been together!
If you dont think you can change that fast. remember every addict takes it one day at a time when they are in recovery........
plus go check out sparkpeople.com and say I ,   JESSALOU   , sent you!!! =)
 but Im am on this journey at the moment to get back to me the me I was 3 years and 3 babies ago =) i started back to the gym... with no fears this time...but three years ago when  my husband bought us a couples gym membership on our first date....... I was in a full fledged panic attack when we went that night!!
but not any more........ I know even after being gone a whole pregnancy what I am comfortable with and what i can do right away with no issues.... but do me a small favor.....DO NOT just walk into there an sit on weight machines or exercise equipment and start a hen peck............... OMG sooo annoying! its a gym!!! not a social club if you want to do nothing go sit in a club and sip on come crap!!! haha
Ok so be real with your self.YOU ARE NOT YOUR SELF WHEN YOU ARE FAT!!!
if you cant keep with with your kids............ then whats the point???
Ok my bested buddy JENNJENN! WE ARE GONNA ROCK THIS JOINT!!! btw she inspires me! she pushes me..........and shes not even in my state!!!!
blessings to you all!

Jessica the determinated scale cruncher!!