March.......... and all of its glory...

I realize at times that I just dont take enough time to think..... to remember.. or to be nostalgic.
March has Lots going on it in for me.. Not as much as Dec, Jan or FEB for sure.. but Lots of meaningful dates...
First and for most......... This is the month that my Mother and Father wed.. This is the Month that lead to me being me, being born, and having the life they provided me with. I miss my daddy!
Second, My Grandmother passed away on March 27th 2005....... IT was Easter Sunday that year... I stayed with her as long as I could and every Hour that I could. My "Ex" and I..... went to walmart to pick somethings up.... and I got a call. saying this was it she was Headed HOME.  Seems every holiday has some connection to a death..... My Father passed on an Ash Wednesday, My Grams On Easter, My Grandfather around Christmas time, my Other Grandmother's funeral was on St. Patrick's day. BUT.....
What has really come to my mind and bought tears to my eyes..... is What God has given me in this month.....
On 3-25-10 I received a friends request on facebook........
A request I was never expecting. A request I wouldn't of normally accepted! I thought about it and finally accepted it.... It was from Keith. (my husband now lol)
I knew him from high school, I knew him from when he lived with his friend Chris during out high school years and when i was staying with my friend who lived right there next to Chris.  He was the wear black, be a bad boy kind of guy....... I was far from wanting to date a bad boy!!!
BUT, I thought about all the time that had passed and that maybe we could be friends. I mean its just facebook, not like I would be stuck with him in my friends list if I didnt want to be. I could just as easily delete him as easily as I added him.. RIGHT?!?!?!
I thought back to December and being at the funeral of his mother........ and how I felt like he was just staring me down like he didn't want me there.... like who in the hades was I for showing up....
Then The request...... SO, I did accept.. Next thing i know... he was talking to me about going out on a date. I tried to put him off as long as I could.
I remember sitting in "director sheperd's" office..... a dear friend, Great boss, and wonderful influential woman who suggested... That I do a lunch date.... that way she knew where I was, When i was leaving and when I would be expected back.... trying to help protect me from this "WEIRDO"
SO I suggested that..... he accepted...  ( stopping and realizing that it makes me feel like I made the first move... haha) On March 30th 2010.. we met for a Lunch date, at Lee's where we now go to celebrate  every good thing that we have happen to us!!
Well, It went from a lunch date.. where he bought us a couples gym membership.. To Gym after work, and my cooking him dinner.. poni chicken! First mean i got to cook for him!!!
To him bringing my breakfast to my door in the morning..... Talk about a whirl wind romance!!!!
We both had been through, sadness, losses, heart breaks, trials and tribulations, But God brought us together.. knowing we would become stronger with him helping us and binding us together!
Both of our past marriages... Yes we both have been married before... me once, him twice... ended in bad ways. I like to call them our starter marriages.... they taught us what NOT to do.... how NOT to act...... and turned us into better people..... we know we don't like abuse, cheaters, liars, etc... We don't like fighting and screaming or confrontations....... we both do our best to avoid them. We work out our differences with talking instead of fighting screaming or hollering... Because of our past.. we have a future! Because of the road we went down.... our roads have joined and became one....... smooth yet bumpy at times. but its our Mahanay Lane =) its our road and we control how we respond to the bumps, dips and curves.....
Thanks to God, I have an amazing husband, Three beautiful boys..... and a life of love and happiness...... We rely on our selves..... we stand together strong and united on all grounds.. thanks to the "SOLID GROUND" that we built our lives and home upon.

Now, I cant lie.. I often wonder at times.... if ... we would of really met, really thought about dating in High School...... what would of come?? would we of hit it off? would be be married today? having and celebrating a marriage of say 10+ years? I guess that's the i wish we were a fairy tale...... but... Life is so much better than a fairy tale!!!
All I know... is that  Thanks to Keith........ for sending the friends request...... we are together today. It started as a whirl wind...... and it continues to be one........
From meeting, dating, getting divorces finalized, Conceiving twins, Getting married, celebrating birthdays, holidays and special occasions, to having Daniel........ 3 children, two pregnancies, in 2years and 4 months........ its been a wild and wonderful ride..........
I cant wait .... til we are Old.(getting there) and grey(thats already started too)  holding hands... on a porch swing.. watching grand kids..... great grands..... what ever. playing.. to be able to look back and see what all we have gone through by then..... what all we stuck together through......... To see How the boys turn out and what they grow up to be! To see what they look like then compared to now..... To continue to raise them, teach them, and instill values and morals....... Praying that they change the world! and then world doesn't change them!
I just know, I dont want to take a day for granted!! I dont want to miss a moment to tell Keith I love him, how much i adore him, how i appreciate what he does for our family and my self, What a wonderful man he is and how proud I am of him. What a great father he is....... I want to raise him up, every day that we are together... I might have failed several days, weeks, even months, in the time we have been together. But... I aspire to do better, and to continue to do better day by day and year by year.


Makes me stop and think about one of our all time fav movies..... fire proof!!! and these lines from that wonderful movie

lf l haven't told you...

  
...that you are a good man...

  
...you are.

  
And if l haven't told you...

  
...that l've forgiven you...

  
...l have.

  
And if l haven't told you...

  
...that l love you...

  
...l do.

  
Something has changed in you,
Caleb.

  
And l want what happened to you
to happen to me.

  
lt can.

  
ls it too late to ask you
to grow old with me?

It's never to late to try!!! 
and I lovingly leave you all with those words!!
Blessings, 
Jessica the eternal romantic.... 

moto board for sunnys

my  motivatinal board for sunny gals

pic below is to remind me of where i came from and where i will go back to!!!  plus a cute dress id like to be able to wear if i could haha

great quote dont limit your challenges challenge your limits

plus one from Shannon DEY  life a turtle's life stick your neck out!!!

to  look challenge in tghe eye and smile as i crush it

to smell the sweet smell of success
To play with my kids for real and not sit on the side lines
 BECAUSE DIETING SUCKS! but a life style change taste great!
to be eye candy for my husband!!

old pic of me plus a few work out options

shannon dey rocks!!! 

picture memory.....

Some Picture memories... and a special thanks to Tina Kendall who did these wonderful scrapp pages for my first 100+ lbs lost!!! some pics from 2008 and some from around 2010 more like en of 2009 though =) 

I have to say it was easier to lose the weight when kid free too! Props to moms who lose and keep it off for the long haul!!!

 

Now some face comparisons

 

 Pink shirt is pre weight loss. back around 2008 when my life change for the better
this re shirt is 100+ lbs gone... around 203 lbs here and in a 14









This is after the twins............ about 250's

 Pregnant with #3 Lil Daniel reason...  took 3x maternity to even kinda fit

about 3 months post Daniel... back into some of my pants prepregnancy but shirts i cant stand snug so larger shirts than i was in :/ 280's










And body shapes....... which is crazy

 Top stripe shirt pic is largest that i know of NON pregnant...
that was in 2007 dec.

Zebra shirt is me playing director =) size xl/14 after weight loss 203 lbs here....

 top pic pregnant with twins.. day before delivery...
this one is my reality pic form after twins... about 250...........

 top is pregant with #3.......... weighed in at 329 day before delivery!!!!!
this one to the left is current around 280 lbs....

















Now....looking at sizes like this how could anyone be happy unless they were back t where they were comfortable. i guess if you have been fat your whole life and know nothing different maybe you can be comfortable.... but not me, i dont want to be the fat mom who sits on the side lines... i dont want to be the one worried if i sit down will a wooden or metal chair break or hold me..
just a lil make me stop and think blogs today sorry
peace out!
jessica

the truth and the whole truth......nothing but.....

So, Lets all get honest with our selves.
But  lets start with this... if you did not see my post on facebook.... then read this blog
escape from obesity


Now, hoping you read her 2010 blog titled,
Detachment and the Obesity Connection, you will get where I am going with this......

There is no way to be FAT and HAPPY!!! Hell even Dr. Phil will tell you that pretty much........... I've seen him say things in relation to that several times!!!
 So, why sit there behind your phone, behind your computer, on your couch as you watch TV ........... and say your happy? Ok, so you are, so you love your spouse or SO, So you love your kids  or your furbabies... ok........ i believe all that, I believe you can love your job, love your career, love your car, and church and many other things........but take a moment an get real with me............
Stand in front of a mirror............ Tell me what you think now???
I have good hair? I have good skin? I have a pretty face??? Ok........ and you most def could!
how do you feel about your over all appearance?? Do you honestly think you are beautiful or handsome? Do you actually like how your clothes fit? if you get dresse up to the nines.... do you feel beautiful? and then you look in the mirror what do you see an think then?? an if the mirror doesn't do it for you what about if i brought out a camera??? Would you let me take pics? would you be happy with them???

Ok, what if you stand naked in front of your mirror??? what do you see then?? happy with it??
cause Let me be the one that is honest...............
I love my life, I love being his wife, and love being my three beautiful sons mother, I love being my mothers daughter and love my self at times...yes I said it at times!!!
I love my church, I love my pretty much everything but me..........
I know I am HIPPO huge..........I hate it.. I dont hate how it came back on me because my three kids mean more to me than anything.,they were worth all the tears and pain and weight gain.............stupid bed rest LOL.
BUT, I dont like my weight........... weight is just a number....but my number is like 280's................
I dont like that. and Im not afraid to say it. IM FAT AND IM UNHAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I am taking a stand........ I have been but this week the crud got me and I am sick as can be....... why hide what everyone sees anyways??? why LIE? why not tell the truth and let it be heard?
Im not scared of what others think of me........ok, well thats a big ol lie....... I hate being unliked, i hate people being unhappy with me and I am the worlds worst at being a people pleaser!!!!!! and i have no clue why.
 but back to me haha
I cant stand the back fat, I cant stand the wobbly arms,the waddle under my chin........ i cant stan how my stomach is and my love handles are more like love couches..... you could get lost in those things.........
and I am not afraid to tell you this. You see it. So, why not be honest
And speaking of honest, I have been watching the biggest loser.........and you know what???
the Kid, she 16ish i think Sunny??? She has more of a grip on reality than most the people in my town that I live in.
She stated on one of the last BL, that to be honest and be there, dont sugar coat it. Dont hide the truth and the fat dont avoid it! ok some of her words and some of mine mixed i lol. so if you have a fat family member or friend or spouse why not just say hey....I AM WORRIED about your health?  YOU CAN NOT BE FAT AND HEALTHY!!!!!!!!!
now no  you ont have to be super model thin.........but be able to walk a few miles with out thinking you are gonna die!!! eat healthier realize YOU are making an IMPRESSION, an IMPACT on YOUR KIDS! YOU MIGHT BE WHAT YOU EAT BUT YOU TURN INTO WHAT YOU SEE TOO!!!  and what is more sad is that Kid Noah on there, he goes by a different name btw, but still he had never eaten a vegetable!!!!!! I blame the parents!!! there is no excuses for that.  my boys will chose a veggie or a fruit over most stuff!!! an I am so beyond proud of that and my husband Keif.......... has come around a hole heck of a lot since we have been together!
If you dont think you can change that fast. remember every addict takes it one day at a time when they are in recovery........
plus go check out sparkpeople.com and say I ,   JESSALOU   , sent you!!! =)
 but Im am on this journey at the moment to get back to me the me I was 3 years and 3 babies ago =) i started back to the gym... with no fears this time...but three years ago when  my husband bought us a couples gym membership on our first date....... I was in a full fledged panic attack when we went that night!!
but not any more........ I know even after being gone a whole pregnancy what I am comfortable with and what i can do right away with no issues.... but do me a small favor.....DO NOT just walk into there an sit on weight machines or exercise equipment and start a hen peck............... OMG sooo annoying! its a gym!!! not a social club if you want to do nothing go sit in a club and sip on come crap!!! haha
Ok so be real with your self.YOU ARE NOT YOUR SELF WHEN YOU ARE FAT!!!
if you cant keep with with your kids............ then whats the point???
Ok my bested buddy JENNJENN! WE ARE GONNA ROCK THIS JOINT!!! btw she inspires me! she pushes me..........and shes not even in my state!!!!
blessings to you all!

Jessica the determinated scale cruncher!!

WARNING.... WARNING ALL WILL ROBINSIONS! (icky pics)

Ok.............. So Time to be brutally honest........ I got up to 329 during pregnancy with Daniel Reason.  Hate that I got up to that, Hate that all the water retention was causing so many issues......... so but being that honest...........  I know I took pregnancy pics  the whole time but I also took these.............

 Excuse the funky faces. I was NOT excited I talked my self into taking these pics. Now you can see why I was so miserable!!! That is One hell of a stretching on the skin... Tons of water......  I had a close up of the skin on the bottom but I can not find it now... but you could see the fluid and how it was making my skin have bumps and grossness!!! it was awful!

So that is what caused them to have to leave me open to let extra fluid seep out for 2 days..........  which was wildly entertaining!  well to me at least!!!

Top Picture Left Open after c-section on 12-5-12 picture from same date as surgery.

Middle picture is from staple removal day on 12-11-12 already had a few removed at this point... that hubby took pic...  THe red scratch marks are from the sand paper for when they were using the beacon to keep track of Daniel Reason in the L&D on the 4th &5th

and here we are 6 weeks later! scar on top of scar... but looking better no scabs just still fresh looking... 

So, I hope if you are not one to like blood and guts literally then i sure hope that you did NOT make it this far!!!  I see nothing wrong with these pics its for pure knowledge and understanding of what went on.. and medically i find it beyond fascinating!!! bottom pic is me also down 50 lbs.......... which 75% was fluid and 25% baby Daniel hahahaha.....

SO... On to food in another blog! Peace out MONKEYS!!!!!

Jessica

Monday milkdowns........

So, It's Monday! Everyone always whines and cries that its the start of a week. I am sure many people have manic Mondays... Yes I am singing the song now ;) SO the following is just for your pure MONDAY ENJOYMENT =)

So, I have decided... With Manic Mondays, and Melt downs... That its totally Mommy's Milkdown Mondays... Silly I know. But really, in my house, when you think the twins are having a melt down... It is strictly related to Milk! Its a MILK down. Like now. Its 6:30 at the moment  When 11 am or 6 pm hit.. Its totally a MILKDOWN! Majorly! if you Try to ignore them. GOD HELP YOU!  At that exact moment, You MUST drop everything (just kidding) and Cater to their Milk with drawls.  Now at 6pm when it comes time, you must also have them at the kitchen table with colors or markers or clay or playdoh or paint etc. Something to get them mesmerized while your cooking dinner.  Or like me at the moment blogging while dinner is finishing up because your spending time with them, singing songs to them and watching them color. Your still in the moment. So, I really am not one to whine and complain about Mondays.  In all honesty it is not the beginining of the week its the 2nd day of the week. My week, or should I say OUR week in our house, Starts on Sundays!!!
We start on Sundays by spending time with the Body of CHRIST in the House of the Lord.
So, My Monday MILKDOWN...... is.....

I am so TIRED of this weather!!! Its nice and warm during the days which makes me want to take the kids out and enjoy the weather... then its either freezing cold that night or the next day....... I have decided that Mother Nature must be a bipolar menopausal woman!

Then there is the there are never enough hours in a day... between Daniel,  Gabriel and Ezekiel, House cleaning... spending time with the hubby and all the rest of the stuff......... there is always a ton of to do's left for the next day..

And then thirdly there is the fact that we have been sick, everyone around town is sick so we have not been venturing out and have not been able to actually have our Sunday's with our church family... which is sickening to me in its self......

Really This is about all I have for my milkdown Monday....... ;)
Hope all is well with you all out there. Tons more of blogging to come with things we will be doing and fixing up as the months pass by this year...
Love To you all!
Jessica

Reasons Reasons Reason...... ;)

So, I know It has been quite a while since I have updated this blog.. It has been a whirl wind Romance with me and Daniel Reason.  Its been a while ride this whole time.
Last time that I updated on here it was 11-20-12.  it is now 1-15-13.........

                                                             Last Shot of me Carring Daniel Reason. 35 weeks

 I had two more appointments in Nacadogches  in the month of November.. Then I was called on Nov 30th,  and told I needed to rush down to Galveston So, we packed up and loaded up. Got my mom to come over. etc...... Got down there..... they checked me in did all the normal....... and still treated me kinda stupid. well come that sunday. I told em to kiss it and signed out AMA pissing off several people i know..... and guess what. I DONT CARE!  I had an appt on Tuesday. with Marlo, Had a level 2 ultra sound  ........ So we Drove home Sunday, Spent the day at home on Monday Loving on my Twinks, Then Tuesday morning Headed right back down to Galveston all packed up again....... knowing that If she said I had to stay....... I would totally just have to suck it up.  Got there.. Saw Marlo, She did want me to stay... i had more weight gain and more everything going on again... Oh and lets stop and think for a min..... The first time I went down to Gal I signed away my Fallopian tubes =) Then. On this Saturday I was there I signed again. and In between I signed em again... apparently they never could find the papers  That i signed saying i wanted to be cut stapled and burned. lets keep this in mind for a min.
So, She (Marlo)  told us that we should just take our time, Go get lunch, Come back for the Level two Ultrasound.... then Head straight to L&D to be admitted..........

Well we decided that since we were having my "last meal" that I wanted it to be good, I knew this time I would be staying in the hospital by my self, sending my dear husband home to be with the kids and waiting out til Daniel arrived...... SO, We went and ate Salt grass!! YUMMO! I ate steak med rare with bacon wrapped jalapeno stuffed bbq'd shrimp.  salad and parm-asiago cheese. I still remember that meal on 12-4- like it was yesterday!!!  So we went back for the level two........ got a great money shot of his um... member ;)



Found out they thought the lil chunker would weigh 10 lbs 1 oz......  they were totally shocked calculated that if he stayed in til what they said my due date would be .... he would weigh over 12 lbs.  What a shocker! for a chunk who still had 4 + weeks to bake!!!
left there walked back to the 7th floor trying to catch Marlo to see what she would say about the weight and his size... added to what all my complications were. but she was out of the office, so back down to the 3rd floor to get checked in......  got checked in, put into a stupid lil tiny room to get monitored, then shipped from l and d to the perinatal ish area to stay, they kept asking how i felt if anything was worse and it was so then next think i knew they said they would send in a dr and check on me..... when they did they decided they were going to go on and do a c-section.. so, 9 pm i was moved back to L&D to a delivery room to be set up and watched.  He wouldn't stay on the NST so I got to try a new thing..... called a Beacon........  it has sticky tabs that they put on your belly, its about 5 of those i believe its then runs to a lil thing that has lights and shows if it is connected or not and shows his heart beat which travels through the air waves over to the nst machine which has the stand like part plugged into it which make it read the one on me. super cool cause you do not have to lay in a certain position, or pray the baby stays....  no having to have all the pressure on you from the having to have the belts so tight on you... only odd thing was that to get a great connection.. they pretty much take sand paper to your skin haha felt really funny!
They put an iv in.... shoved in tons of different meds and things, that only took about 5 sticks. Then... i found out they did NOT have my signature on the fix me papers any where..... which means, i was too late........ has to be 72 hrs signed before you have a premature baby, and 3 months i believe before a full term..... Lets talk about aggravated, frustrated and the last person you wanted to see at that moment. I was VERY ugly!!! finally they decided that from the head man over the hospital ... that if I signed and wrote out that i under stood it all...... that i could go on and get it done I would be the EXCEPTION to the rules and regulations they have to stand by...... YAY ME! haha.
So we were told first around 5 am we would have a baby.................. then we were told around 7.... then around 8........... then finally we were told 9 am i would be taken back........... and I was!!! WOOHOO
I was more nervous and fearful giving birth to Daniel in the OR having a C-section... than i was when i was vaginally delivering Gabriel, and actually more than when i was rolled into the OR to be put under and give birth to Ezekiel.
Took forever to get things settled and me adjusted in there ........ and when I finally was, and Daddy got to come in........ this is what I saw........... the whole time they were slicing and dicing me....

He was such a champ! So loving so concerned about me. Constantly asking if I was ok, telling me I was doing good, rubbing on me and kissing on me trying to keep me calm... mean while the whole time I was just laying there trying to fight back the tears, trying to control my breathing .... and stay "together"...... and then the moment I heard him.......... was priceless.......
I didnt get to hear Ezekiel cause i was put under, Gabriel was soo quite when he cried cause he was so tiny.
But My Daniel Reason..... He let us know he was there.... A happy healthy  baby boy... Did i mention he was a chunk??

Meet

 Daniel Reason Mahanay

12-5-12

10:05AM

10 lbs 5 oz 

21"

Born at "36" weeks

Our newest member! Our Newest addition to our Pride and Joys....

While he and daddy were taken out of the OR to get him checked and all that good stuff. I was getting cut tied and burnt =) After 3 beautiful boys, I was ready for this moment. The moment knowing that I will not have to worry about leaving my boys behind because of a horrific traumatic 3rd complicated pregnancy.  Knowing that It will be our own version of My three sons =)

knowing that Unless GOD really really really wanted to keep proving doctors wrong....... and to keep letting me get pregnant......... that... I wont get pregnant again...... It was truly annoying how many drs and nurses questioned my sanity of having 3 sons and not trying  for the golden ticket and getting a daughter............... I just dont feel like i need a girl to feel complete..... to be happy. I was never supposed to even be pregnant anyways and now here  I am 3 beautiful boys......... that have stolen my heart....... 

So, Daddy got to bring Reason back in to me and i got to kiss him before he left to go to ISCU, (infant special care unit) 

Again I didnt get to hold one of my babies before they had to be rushed out. 

but really he was good..... nothing was that bad or that wrong. to be so "early" not that it was that early... but, he didnt have the issues we were all expecting. he only had the "diabetic" issues that are normal. 

here we have,  Mommy Holding Daniel for the first time, Mommy giving him his first bottle feeding that he did wonderful with.  and hes 1 day old in....

then Daniel in his Car seat for the car seat test that he passe with flying colors, 12-9

Daniel ready to go home in the following car seat pic with his sock monkey blanket, and then Our friend Melinda The nurse Karen(oh nurses names were a trip!! the ones that we heard the most were Karen and Ashley! TRIPS! family names of members that are angels over Daniel from Keith's side)   and then All my loves home and happy under one roof!!!

 

 


 

Been home and settling in for quite a while now....  Its taken 4 weeks home with Daniel for Gabe and Zeke to start warming up to him and realizing that not Daniel or mommy and daddy will be leaving... and to get back to our routine. Thank Goodness!
Our Reason at Christmas........ =)

 Well, let me admit on here.... I have been worried about the twins.... Not bad, but worried because they twin talk so much, I talked to our Pedi and we had ECI come out today......... I would just rather be ahead of a problem than to be lost and not on the ball. So, today she said they are doing great but she will be back out on next tuesday to do the evual. and  see where they are and where they stand on the talking becuse yes all the rest is above and beyond.
SO, I now have you caught up on me and my family and what has been going on. I will be back to blogging sooner than later more often. Im sure i bore Facebook with my pics and statuses. so I will be back here VERY VERY SOON!!!!
Also be sure to hope on over to Cooking blog Trying to get it all together and Run this house GREAT! I am a SUPER MOM WANNA BE!!!!!
So, This super mananabe ;) is signing off!
Love ya all thanks for the reads.... Gotta say Wish more of you had gmails so i could get more comments, heck any comments at all! =P
Jessica


p.s quick lil note: I will have an addition to this blog later... but it will be kinda of a mature and graphic nature. so its not posted with this part. and i will warn in the title of the next =) promise